At the races

10 Dumb Jokes Alexa Told Me

Alexa is an amazing device. I get news, music, and podcasts instantly. So why do I spend way too much time asking for it to tell me a joke or make a farting sound? Sounds like a personal problem. Anyhoo, here are some dumb jokes Alexa told me.

Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What did the square say to the circle?
You are pointless.

What was George Washington’s favorite picnic food?
His Uncle’s Ham.

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle.

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you might as well barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.

A Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of a joke?”

I don’t trust people with graph paper. They are always plotting something.

What do you call an American Revolutionary who draws cartoons?
Yankee Doodler.

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at jditzel@joeditzel.com as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.