Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Month: October 2010
Comedian – Southern California
Corporate Entertainment- Joe Ditzel- Southern California Comedian
Joe Ditzel is perfect comedy entertainment for golf your Southern California outing, banquet or convention. As the author of "Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems" Joe will keep your group laughing. Call 213-804-0105 or email [email protected] for booking availability.
Joe has performed for thousands of audiences and looks forward to performing for your Southern California group.
Read More
How To Become A Rock Superstar After Age 50
Rock superstardom is just a few steps away for you- even after age 50. We do recommend, however that you not wait until 70 to begin the steps.
1. Musical ability is not a pre-requisite but you do need a cool band name. If you are having trouble just combine an animal with a crazy emotion like 'Wolverine Anger.'
2. As the lead singer you also need a cool name. Your best bet is to find a single word name: "Ipecac" or "Subscription" are probably good ones.
3. You must practice your rock star moves with a microphone. This can be done in your living room or the back yard.
4. You need an international hit to break your band. You do not need to write a new song. Just combine beats from established hits and riffs from any old Yardbirds album. If you are sued you can say you are waiting on Medicare approval for your St. John's Wort and forgot that stealing was illegal.
5. Damaging hotel rooms is passѐ. You must damage a whole hotel. Pick a hotel in Eastern Europe and leave the country before you are caught.
Read More
How To Date A Supermodel From Paris
You've dated all the girls in your school and even the girl that serves hot dogs at the Friday hockey games. It is time for you to date a supermodel from Paris.
1. Your current looks are most likely not good enough for a supermodel. Make an appointment for full-body plastic surgery.
2. You must learn French. Play language tapes while you sleep.
3. Travel to Paris.
4. Attend a fashion show and find a supermodel that you like. Approach her with this ice breaker: "Excusemoi, accepte-vous my body odor?" She may respond violently.
5. Make a new appointment for full-body plastic surgery to repair the damage she has inflicted upon you.
Read More
How To Shoot A Golf Score of 59 Within One Week
Many golfers dream of shooting a life-time low score of 89, 79 and even 69. Here are 5 steps to go even lower- 59 for 18 holes of golf.
1. You will need to drive the ball regularly at least 395.5 yards. This is achieved by a much longer swing arc than your current swing. To achieve this you must buy (or borrow) some circus stilts and wrap them to your legs with duct tape.
2. Put your golf shoes on the end of the stilts for good stability and traction.
3. Attach a sturdy bungy cord to the end of your driver. This will allow you to reach the ball from the stilts.
4. Swing the club back with the bungy cord in a huge power arc. At the top of the backswing, "step into the shot" much like a baseball player, turn your hips and whip the bungy cord/club as hard as you can.
5. Keep your head down and follow through. The club will be travelling over 700 mph. When it comes through the ball there is a strong possibility it will come around and hit you in the head. For this reason you should wear a motorcycle helmet or NFL quality football helmet when using this method. A Chicago Bears helmet would be good because it is used to being abused. Add a world-class short game and putting skills and you will shoot 59 this week or within 10 days give or take.
Read More
Crazy People at the Store: Oblivious-Yelling-Post-Office Lady
You are waiting in line with eight other people at the post office. Four people at the windows all seem to sending packages to Sri Lanka or Madagascar. A lady walks in, sees the line, and decides she cannot wait to get an answer to her question. She stands at the back of the waiting area, waving frantically, trying to get the attention of any of the postal employees hehind the bulletproof glass.
"Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me! I need a passport right away! Excuse me!"
"Ma'am!" one of the employees yells back. "Passports take four to six weeks! Please wait in line."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she yells and storms out.
Read More
Kanye New Yorker
On Twitter people started posting New Yorker cartoons using Kanye's tweets as the caption. Brilliant.
Read More
False Smile
[flickr-photo:id=4848767248,size=-]
Read More
Los Angeles Driver Ability
Los Angeles Driver Ability
Read More
Weird News: World’s Manliest Liquor
A liquor made with gunpowder? Puts a new spin on "getting blasted."
Read More