The Detroit Lions were originally from Portsmouth, Ohio, a small town on the Ohio River, where they played as the Portsmouth Spartans starting in 1929. That was a crazy year, 1929. That was the same year Cal Berkeley player Roy Riegels got turned around in a game against Georgia Tech and ending up running 69 yards in the wrong direction against his own team.
Recently Congressional Democrats said President Obama has done the same thing. “I’ve seem lame ducks before, but come on. At least play the part. Just pretend you still care,” said one Congresswoman.
They found they could not survive in Portsmouth, the smallest city in the NFL at the time, and also the smallest city in Ohio. “Not true,” argued an Ohioan. “Portsmouth was not the smallest town in Ohio. My town was the smallest. The town was named Ned, after me, Ned. We had one resident–me, Ned. My town was so small I was the mayor and the town drunk. And I was doing it long before Rob Ford.”
Since the Spartans could not survive in Portsmouth, they moved to Detroit in 1934 and were renamed the Lions, partly as a nod to baseball’s Detroit Tigers. Other Detroit teams have carried on the feline tradition, including the Detroit Jaguars in lacrosse, the Detroit Cougars in volleyball, and in the sport of curling, the Detroit Fat Lazy Housecats Who Won’t Don’t Do Anything All Day Except Bring Home Dead Birds and Leave Them On The Front Porch. “Hey man, just doing my job. I kill birds and leave them on the porch. That’s what I do. That’s my job. Think of it as gift from me to you. A gift of love. A dead bird,” said a local fat lazy housecat.