Food and Restaurants

3 Reasons Your Diet is Failing You

Diets are hit and miss. And sometimes you can’t tell why they aren’t working. Here are three things to look for.

Not Drinking Enough Water

If you don’t drink enough water, your metabolism slows and kills fat burning. Carrying around a water bottle all day probably won’t do it. You want to get a part time job for a water bottle company and drive the truck to work, shopping, and fun activities. After every stop, down one of those giant jugs of water in the back. You may also want to add a bathroom on the truck as well.

Sneaking Calories

Are you taking sips of a Frappacino on the way to work, or sneaking potato chips from under your desk? My friend, those calories add up quick. Try handcuffing your wrists behind your back. You’ll reduce the amount of empty calories going in your mouth by 100 percent. You’ll have to learn to drive facing backwards, using your toes to touch the gas and brakes, but you will look better almost immediately.

Skipping Breakfast

Breakfast literally means, “break fast,” which was the term used during prison escapes when they had to run for the outer fence and cut it with pliers made from two kitchen knives tied together. If you are skipping breakfast, you make it hard for your body to get started again. Think of your metabolism like a car. After sitting still, you want to get it revving again by eating, well, anything: pancakes, scrambled eggs, leftover pizza, or those expensive cinnamon rolls in the back of the freezer you froze two days ago “for a future treat.”

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.