5 Things You Should Do In Your 20s Before Having Kids and Buying a Home

Before you ruin your life by having kids and buying a house, try to get these five things done.

Pilot a Blimp

After you settle down, you’ll never be able to talk your spouse into letting you fly a blimp. “But what if it blows up like the Hindenburg?” they’ll say. That’s a tough objection to overcome.

Sing Loudly in the Shower

It’s much easier to sing loudly in the shower when you are single. Once you settle down, get ready for pounding on the wall of the bathroom, followed by yelling and complaining.

Drive Like the Cars in Fast and Furious

I don’t know what he did before he had had kids, but I remember when I was growing up my dad drove so slow we thought we’d never get home from church. So get it out of your system now. Once you have kids, you’ll drive like your grandpa on slow motion pills.

Paint Your Face for Football Games

Hey, this one is a stretch because, in reality, you probably shouldn’t be painting any part of your body to support your team after you graduate college. At State U, it’s perfectly acceptable. Once you are 25, it gets a little dicey. But go for it. This is your last shot. Just don’t plan on painting your kid’s face with the same color scheme down the road.

Golf Four Days in A Row Non-Stop in Your Own Town

In your twenties, you’ll think nothing of playing non-stop golf all over town for four days. Once you are hitched and popping out kids, your spouse will wonder where you have been. You can’t answer, “Well, Ted, Jim, Greg and I have been working on a massive environmental-impact study at several of the local park lands.”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.