5 Things You Peak At After Age 50

Some people think their 50th birthday is the beginning of the end. Not so. In fact, here are five things you peak at after turning 50.


Maybe you were a pretty good complainer in your 20s, 30s and 40s. Wait until you get into your 50s. You’ll complain that it’s too hot, too cold, too dry, too damp; you are bored, hurried, tired, exhausted, sick; everyone else is crazy, batty, dumb or an idiot.

Grab Lower Back

The back goes in your 50s. Bending down to get that spoon out of the garbage disposal? Reaching to tie your shoes? There goes the back. Better grab it with both hands, elbows out, tense your face up and look up at the sky.

Spy on the Neighbors

Remember when you could care less what the neighbors do? Hey, if they want to play naked Twister and smoke old playing cards, who are you to say no. Once you turn 50, you will spend most of your day standing to the side of the window where they can’t see you. From here, you have a great view of their whole house and yard. What are they up to over there?

Hassle Your Children

Sure, they are grown, married and have kids of their own now. But you know deep down they can’t get by in life without your expert and loving guidance and support. Make sure to call five times day.

Drive Slow

Why doesn’t anybody drive in this lane over on the left? Since they won’t, you’ll move over there, slow down and stay there. Now this is living.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at
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