5 Ways to Get Your Crazy Self Fired

I’ve been shown the door and told not to come back before — I know what it takes to get tossed from gainful employment. Use these ideas and you, too, can be driving home with all your junk in the car in no time.

Wearing Jester Caps

If you insist on juggling and wearing Jester caps while your co-workers look away in shame, you are on your way out.

Not Getting Along

You cannot say to co-workers things like, “I kind of liked you better when your jaw was wired shut after the accident.”

Not Minding Your Own Business

Do not say to a co-worker, “So, what’s the deal with that loser you call a boyfriend. Is he out of jail yet?”

Dressing Inappropriately

Sure, we, know, you are a Toronto Blue Jays Fan. But wearing a giant Blue Jay uniform everyday is a ticket to RedSlipVille.

Bad Odors

OK, you love garlic. You put it on everything. Heck, you put it on cereal! You wonder why there isn’t a garlic version of Cheerios.

But here’s the thing: you stink. Your breath stinks. No one wants to talk to you, interact with you or be near you.

In fact, you have to go. And don’t come back.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.