7 Common Mistakes Golfers Make Every Round

Courtesy State Library of Queensland
Courtesy State Library of Queensland


Golfers are persistent.

They take lessons.

They watch videos.

They read books.

They’ll try anything to get better at a silly game. Yet they continue to make many of the same mistakes. Here are 7 common errors golfers make every round:

Selling Girl Scout Cookies

Listen, we know you want your daughter to win the Girl Scout cookie sales contest. Great! But you didn’t need to fill your golf cart with boxes of Samoas and Thin Mints, selling them to every golfer in 10 square miles to help her out.

Singing Loudly While Partner Putting

What is it with these people who sing so loudly while others are putting? We don’t really want to hear your version of “My Way” while ‘ol Jim here is putting for the club championship.

Cooking On the Back of The Golf Cart

Hey, we know you got the cooking itch two years ago and just finished your Certificate of Cutting-Edge Cooking at the local community college. Invite us over for dinner, but don’t hold up the game because you’ve turned the back of your golf cart into a rolling Wok.

Studying Grass Varieties When You Should Be Putting

OK, Turfman, it’s cool you spend all day at the local farm supply store reading the labels on grass seed packages, looking to create the perfect mix of Kentucky Bluegrass and Red Fescue for your lawn.

We know you can’t help yourself on the golf course, taking grass and soil samples of every fairway, green and teebox. We can get you help, but you need to admit you have a problem first.

Waving At Passing Planes

OK, Maverick, you love “Top Gun.” Cool. And now spend most of your retirement sitting at the end of the runways at the airport, taking video of landing planes that you post to YouTube.

But now you are on the golf course — if you continue to wave at passing planes thousands of feet above the planet, all the while yelling out the make and model of the aircraft, we will throw you in the pond.

Rehearsing Your TED Talk

Congratulations! You finally got that coveted TED talk invitation you’ve been wanting for the last 10 years. Now you can regale self-important “achievers” with your theory of how the brain reacts to “ice cream headaches,” and how your research is a breakthrough in creativity and innovation. If there is any way you can get through this round without rehearsing your speech over and over, even during your backswing, we’d appreciate it.

Stuffing Sand In Pants

Two years ago, a famous golf instructor showed golfers how to stabilize their swings in bunkers by stuffing huge amounts of sand in their pants. This is supposed to add weight to their lower body, lowering the center of gravity and helping create better footwork. Now thousands of golfers are sauntering into clubhouses with sand streaming out of their golf shorts like been sleeping in their clothes on the beach.



About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.