7 Fights Couples Have Every September

Every September couples have these same fights. Come on, kids, let’s turn down the fighting and learn to get along.

Football Game on TV

It doesn’t matter that every football game in the known universe is televised now. Every week, the game she wants to watch is on the same time as the game he wants to watch.

Halloween Costume

Sure, Halloween is weeks away, but they know they better get started on a costume strategy. He says they should go as Ohio State Buckeyes and she wants to be characters from Frozen.

Raking Leaves

Courtesy Unsplash
Courtesy Unsplash

He says they should keep the leaves in a pile so the dog can jump in them like the crazy animal he is. She just wants to throw them over the fence into the neighbor’s yard.

Blanket Count

She wants to start adding blankets to the bed because “it’s getting colder.” He says it is still 95 during the day and the extra blankets are sending his body temperature to 115.

Feed the Dog

Courtesy George Eastman House via Flickr Commons
Courtesy George Eastman House via Flickr Commons

The dog should be fed at the same hour, right? I mean, even considering the days are getting shorter. Does he care. He does not.

Rock Festivals

He wants to catch two more rock shows before the football season really heats up. She lost her enthusiasm for rock festivals when it rained at that Zydeco show in early August.

Drugs, Man!

He wants her to buy regular Aspirin due to his knee injury from when he returned 7 punts for touchdowns in the same game his senior year, getting tacked on the final run just as he cleared the goal line and put his school into the state finals. She says he should switch to low-dose.

Hockey Spirit Nights

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

She wants to go to the Spirit Night promotions to support the local hockey team. He says their time is better spent jogging so they can both lose the 20 pounds they’ve gained together in the last year.

These arguments are so common in America, the Obama Administration has formed a committee to investigate solutions. I say everybody just chill, and things will work out.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.