7 things you don’t want to hear from your waiter

You are at your favorite restaurant. Or a hole-in-the-wall you’ve always wanted to visit. No matter the eating establishment, here are 7 things you don’t want to hear from your waiter.

1. Is the fish fresh? Depends. Who’s asking?

2. Sashimi? I wasn’t even looking for you.

3. Sure, we have ramen. We have old school noodles, too.

4. Yes, if you insist, we can cook it for you well done. There will be a 45 percent surcharge.

5. Rats in the kitchen? Only my brother-in-law.

6. Look, these are quality breadsticks. If you wanted 67 of them, why didn’t you go to Olive Garden?

7. The only secret menu we have is in my shorts.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at
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