Sure, as a guy your fashion sense is not as strong as a woman’s — that’s why you should listen to them when they weigh-in on your fashion choices. We surveyed 500 women to find out the worst things men wear, and they were not shy about telling us.
British Judicial Wig
Okay, so your grandfather was a barrister in the British court, until the scandal forced him to skedaddle to the United States where he met your grandmother, and they moved to upstate New York to open a peanut butter and jelly farm. That doesn’t give you license to stroll around town in a British judicial wig.
“If you’re going to do that, at least start a death metal band called Barrister’s Bunion and spend rest of your life touring state fairs and Revolutionary war reenactments,” one flight attendant said.
There are exactly 2 people in the world who can pull off an Ascot, and you are not one of them.
“Unless your name is George Hamilton, or you have appeared on past episodes of the Avengers, leave the Ascot in the drawer. This is a look that is smashing when someone pulls it off properly, but most men look like they are trying to get into the Yacht Club on Caddyshack,” said one retail manager.
Speedos are a horrible fashion look for every man that has ever lived. A 40-year old woman said, “People say, oh, well in Europe every guy wears a Speedo. That is one reason why Europe will never emerge as a regional economic power.”
“No man should wear a Speedo ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. This includes Olympic swimming and diving champions. The Olympic committee should put new rules in place that require swimmers to where knee-length pants, and in some cases long sleeve shirts. The Speedo should be banned from international sales, and any current stock should floated out to see on a barge, on fire,” said a young lawyer with a family.
“Russian hats were made for a specific reason,” said an attractive model and entrepreneur. “They are to keep your head warm during the nine-month Russian winter where the temperatures can go as low as 100° below zero. In that case, if your name is Vladimir or Vitaly, and you work outside every day, then it is okay to wear a big Russian hat. Every other guy should shoot it, stuff it and mount it on the wall. If I see one more guy in Brooklyn wearing a Russian hat in the middle of summer, I’m going to stab him myself,” she said.
“I’m not sure where the deer antler trend started,” said an exasperated fashion merchandiser. “But now I see them all the time, both in the city and in the suburbs where I live. These guys wearing these silly deer antlers better be careful, because when deer season comes around this fall, their going to be running for the hills.”
Cowboy Boot Sandals
“The first time I saw them I almost threw up,” one woman reported. “This good old boy gets this big truck, he’s got the whole look going: the big hat, the plaid shirt with rhinestone buttons, and on his feet, my hand to God, he had on cowboy boots, the bottom half of which were sandals. Don’t ask me to describe them, just take my word for it. After I stopped laughing, I went up to him and asked him please never wear them ever again. I told him that if I ever caught him wearing his cowboy boot sandals, I would report him to the local authorities for disturbing the peace,” she explained.
Duct Tape Tie
Perhaps in response to the rising prices for quality neckties, some enterprising men have begun to fashion their own ties out of duct tape. Duct tape comes in many more styles and colors that are used to, and some men with a DIY bent are turning these colorful roles into inexpensive neckties.
Unfortunately, women are not having it. “I shrieked at the top of my lungs the first time I saw one,” an advertising vice president exclaimed. “This mid-level executive come strolling in wearing a tie made out of duct tape. The print was a repeating pattern of hammers, nails and screwdrivers. Even though he made it the perfect length, I was beside myself with laughter. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please do not, I repeat do not wear a necktie made out of duct tape,” she said, laughing hysterically.