Astounding True Facts About Baylor Bears Football

Baylor started playing football in 1898 and had a perfect 3-0 record in 1900. 1900 is the same year the US annexed Hawaii, starting a long tradition of pasty mainlanders showing up in Honolulu to get burnt to a crisp on their first day. One lady said, “My first day on the island, I laid out ALL day. Later I realized my Baylor neck chain was all flipped backyards. Now I have a sunburn that says ‘Rolyab.'”

The team was not able to play in 1906–the school banned football due to its violence. “If anything, in those days, we wanted to make it more violent,” a player from the early days said. “I came up with this one tackle where I grab the runner by his shoulder pads, spin him around like a discus and fling him into the crowd. I call it the “Sling The Running Man Into the Marching Band.”

Baylor was one of the first universities in history to have a homecoming for Alumni, and now have the largest homecoming parade on the planet. The famous bonfire can be see from the space shuttle. Russian cosmonaut Michail Yakovlev said, “The Americans showed me this Baylor Bonfire. We could see it plain as day. You know what else I could see from space? Donald Trump’s ego!”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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