Baseball vs. Hockey

I love this time of year because hockey and baseball are running at the same time. Any hockey fans here? Baseball?

Yeah, the difference between the two sports became real clear to me when I flipped back and forth between them on the radio in the car one day.

First I heard a baseball game.

“Standing on the mound…shakes off the sign… Shakes off the sign… shakes off the sign………… shakes up the sign. Settles in now, winds up and lets it go. Ball. 2 and 1 the count.”

Then I flipped over to the hockey game. “Here come the Canadiens! Out from behind their own goal, advancing into the neutral zone. Rink wide pass to the right wing. He crosses the blue line and LETS A SHOT fly, missing left and the puck flies into the corner.”

“Beautiful night for baseball… We’ve got some swirling winds out there tonight…those breezes have been playin…hav…with some of the long fly balls here in the early going.”

I just kept flipping back and forth between the two sports stations. “They are in the corner, scraping and scrapping for the puck. It squirts out in front to the center, he lets a shot go.

“Oh! He hit the goal post! He picks up his own rebound spins around to his backhand and lets another shot go – he hit the other goalpost! Wait a minute! The puck bounced right back on his stick! He lets a third shot go! Oh, my! He hit the crossbar!”

Back to baseball. “Folks! Don’t forget that next Thursday night is naked grandparents tonight here at the stadium. Bring your grandparents completely naked, and the whole family gets in free!”

Over to hockey. “There is pandemonium in front of the net. The big defenseman is clearing out the crease. The center was denied three times and he’s still in there fighting for the puck. Now the two of them are starting to shove. We could have a little scrap here.

“And there go the gloves. The defenseman has the center in a headlock! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! It does not look good for this center right now. Wait a minute! The center has wrenched his head free. He’s reaching into his hockey pants! He’s pulling something out. It’s a gun! He’s got a gun! Unbelievable hockey action!

“Wait a minute! The defenseman has climbed over the glass and aboard the Zamboni! He has mounted a World War II anti-artillery gun on the Zamboni! He’s driving the Zamboni on the ice and and firing rounds at the same time! What action here tonight!

Folks, THIS…IS…HOCKEY!


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.