Casino

I just returned from a golf weekend in Vegas. The casino construction is out of control. These are some of the new casinos going up:

* Akron, Akron- inspired by the success of New York, New York, this casino is in the shape of a giant bowling alley. The slot machine handles are bowling pins. All patrons must wear bowling shoes.

* Toothless Grin Casino- the sportsbook at this casino allows you to bet on the winners of fights that break out during Hockey Night in Canada.

* The Liberace Casino- shaped like a giant piano, you can ride elevators to the revolving restaurant at the top of the candelabra.

* The Heartbreak Hotel Casino- a 20 story casino shaped like Elvis’ head. Every hour a plane load of Flying Elvis’ drop on to the front lawn.

* The Dead Pool Casino- specializes in taking bets on when celebrities will drop dead.

* The Wedding Chapel Casino- Marriage is a gamble. So why not get married right in a casino? Features a sports book where guests can take odds on the success of your union.

* The E-Trade Casino- not for the faint of heart. All gaming is done on-line. Instead of gambling on old line games like Blackjack, these new games have names like “Amazon” and “E-Bay”.

* The Dennis Rodman Casino- the roof of this casino changes colors to exactly match The Worm’s current hair color.

* The Former Child Star Casino- the main show features Dana Plato, Tina Yothers and Brandon Cruz singing a medley of theme songs form Different Strokes, Family Ties and The Courthip of Eddie’s Father.

* The Victoria’s Secret Casino- all the dealers wear Victoria’s Secret Catalog items. Except the guys- they wear Harry Conick masks.

* The Catholic Casino- the chips are different colored hosts. Do they serve alcohol? Is the Pope Catholic?

* The My Way Casino- a tribute to Vegas of the 60’s, the main floor show features animatronic characters that recreate the magic of the Rat Pack. In the casino, animatronic mobsters take card cheats into the desert where they are whacked.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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