At the races

Not As Good As This

When I walk the dog, he stops to sniff the urine of the last dog to stop by every light post, trash can and tree along the way.

I wait while he sniffs each stop for what seems like 10 minutes.

Then he looks at me and says, “THAT smells like really good urine. One of the best I’ve sniffed. Top of the line.”

Lifts his leg and says, “But not as good as this.”

At the races

He Doesn’t Bite

Walking along the sidewalk, I see a lady tie her big dog to the wrought iron fence while she gets something out of the car parked in the street.

“He’s not going to eat me, is he?” I ask as I navigate the grass between the car and the dog.

“No, he doesn’t bite!” she said cheerily, as I reached out to pet the dog and he excitedly jumped up to meet my hand.

As I walked away, I heard her say to the dog, “You didn’t bite him, did you? Remember, I told you no more biting people.”

Wait, what?

At the races

Dog Stretches Out Body To Smell Area Outside Reach of Leash

A local dog was seen stretching his body to the breaking point to smell a patch of ground just beyond the reach of his leash.

The owner was walking the dog along a neighborhood street, and the dog was seen stopping occasionally to sniff the grass of area lawns.

At the corner of Main St. and Smith Avenue, the dog became particularly interested in a scent near the home on the northwest corner and stepped onto the lawn for further investigation.

At this point, the owner held the dog back with the leash, holding him to about the length of his body from the sidewalk.

The dog insisted on pursuing the scent and dug into the grass with all four paws, straining mightily and stretching out his body like a plank.

In a follow up interview with reporters, the man said he thought the dog might have detected a dead body in the bushes near the home’s porch, as the dog was so emphatic in following the scent.

After what seemed like an eternity, really only about 10 seconds, the dog gave up and the walk continued.

At the races

Dogs Shooting People??

Dogs are shooting people?

What?

In the past few years, about once a year in America a dog shoots its owner.

For example, in Indiana a few years ago a lady came back from hunting and put down a loaded shotgun on the ground with the safety off.

Her dog stepped on the gun, pressed the trigger and shot a shotgun blast into the lady’s foot.

In New Zealand, a guy was jumping into the front seat of his four wheel drive.

The dog jumped into the backseat where, that’s right, there was a loaded rifle.

Dog steps on the trigger.

The gun goes off, shoots a bullet through the driver’s seat into the guy’s buttocks. Which he described at the time as “extreme pain.”

Yeah, I don’t have any doubt that that.

Oh my, goodness, what is going on?

Well, of course, experts say that most of these situations are all accidents.

Really?

Isn’t there a possibility that some of these dogs just see an opportunity to get back at their crazy owners.

Like for example have you ever been walking your dog outside, maybe along the sidewalk in the neighborhood and you don’t give him a chance to sniff the ground?

They like to stop, you know. It’s so slow walking your dog when they stop every six feet to sniff the ground — investigating a small 12 by 12 inch area for five minutes.

What are they doing? What kind of information are they gathering with this sniffing?

But, of course, that’s how a dog explores its world.

It’s not through his eyes.

It’s not through his ears.

Those are all factors but mostly through his nose.

His sense of smell is a million times stronger than yours.

But do you take the time to let him do his thing and look around his neighborhood through his nose?

No! You yank on his collar, yank on the leash.

Why?

Because you have to get home for Game of Thrones.

This poor dog is trying to enjoy the walk. And the way they do it is by sniffing every square inch for four or five or ten blocks. It’s gonna take some time, but you don’t have time. You’re a busy person, so you yank on the collar, you yank on the leash. Because you have to get back because Walking Dead is starting.

Now if you are the dog, that’s gonna aggravate you. Day after day, week after week, month after month.

Yank on the collar.

And I’m just saying maybe some of these dogs are sending a message.

That’s all I’m saying.

I’m not saying it’s real. I’m not saying it’s happening.

I’m saying it’s a possibility.

And so my advice to you is treat your dog right.

Don’t dress them up as a bumblebee at the parade.

Give him a chance to sniff the ground on the walk.

You may be late for Game of Thrones. Don’t you record those shows? Can you just watch it later?

I’m just saying keep an eye peeled on your dog.

You don’t know what they’re thinking. I’ve never had a dog share their feelings with me. I’ve never had a dog vocalize what they were thinking.

So be careful out there gun owners.

Because your dog might just be waiting for the right opportunity.

At the races

Mr. Dog-Park-Lazy-Leash

Mr. Dog-Park-Lazy-Leash is a crazy guy at the dog park who lets his dog run free, but doesn’t take the leash off. I can hear him saying, “I like my dog to run free as nature intended. But I’m too lazy to take the leash off. I’ll just have to re-attach it later. Frankly, I’ve got better things to do.”

Meanwhile the leash is flying around, hitting everything in a 5-foot circle around his dog: People, kids, other dogs.

At the races

Lie Down on The Ground and Start Screaming

A tarantuala hawk wasp hunts tarantulas.

In a gruesome video posted online by Bill Supulski, he captures a tarantula hawk dragging a tarantula, who is three or four times her size, back to her burrow.

You see, the tarantula hawk doesn’t kill at first sting. Oh, no.

It paralyzes the victim, but does not kill it. Then she drags it back to her burrow, lays an egg on it, and when the baby tarantula hawk emerges, it has a fresh meal…THAT IS STILL ALIVE.

Nothing you watch on Netflix this week will equal that in sheer terror.

Well, maybe if you watch Adam Sandler’s debut movie “Going Overboard.”

I know what you are thinking.

“Wh-wh-what happens if I-I-I-I get stung by a tarantula hawk wasp???????”

Well, you probably won’t get dragged back to a burrow to get eaten. Especially if you were on Biggest Loser and gained all your weight back.

But, it hurts like all hell.

And, expert Ben Hutchins of Texas Park and Wildlife explained to Wired magazine, you lose much of your physical and verbal abilities, so your best bet is to lie down as soon as possible and simply scream out in agony from the pain.

Tarantula Wasp courtesy USFWS via Flickr
Tarantula Wasp courtesy USFWS via Flickr

No, not kidding.

Just practice on an Adam Sandler movie.