Thriller at the Copy Store

A young dude in this copy and office services store has been doing his best Michael Jackson dancing and singing routine for an hour now. No one is here at 4am except him and me and one staff person (this location is open 24 hours). He’s not loud, sort of whisper-singing as he moves around the floor, creating his own lyrics. One of the lines I remember was “I wouldn’t take the meds they gave me” as he moonwalked by the copiers.

3 Business Ideas You Can Start Today

Here are 3 business ideas you can start today.

1. Mobile Hugs – Uber-like company with drivers who come to your house and give you a hug.

2. Snuggle Puppy – similar to Mobile Hugs but lets you snuggle with a puppy. None of the hassle of puppies, all of the love.

3. Name Prompter – app with operators standing by who give you the names of famous people when you can’t remember, even though they it should be obvious. “She used to date what’s-his-name,” you say to fellow party-goers. “You remember, he was in that Western. Wait, let me tap Name Prompter.”

I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Preparation

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The speaker bounded to the stage to the applause of a packed conference room.

“How’s everybody doing?”

“What, you can do better than that, how’s everybody doing?”

“Well, listen, I don’t prepare too much for my speeches because I like to be in the moment. I want it to come from the heart and be real. Can you feel me!”

“Alright, thank you. So I want to talk about 3 major things today. The first one is passion, the second is commitment, and the third one is, dang, what was the third one. Did I say the first two? Passion and conviction. Did I say conviction for number two? Well, I don’t remember what number three was, but I’ll come back to it. I’m just keeping it real out here for you guys. I like to wing it — from my heart.”

How To Become A Highly Paid Local Marketing Consultant

Nantucket Historical Society
Nantucket Historical Society

Local businesses need help with their marketing, yet they can’t afford the services of the top marketing agencies. This is a great opportunity for you to get hired as their marketing consultant. There are several ways to convince them you are the person for the job.

1. Come up with creative marketing ideas on the spot. For example, tell the hot dog cart guy you’ll pull him around town behind your motorcycle every Friday while he free throws hot dogs to the noon-town business crowd on the sidewalks.

2. If the business owner is over 40, stress your experience with old media. If they are under 40, tell them you will create their own app.

3. Stress the art of positioning. That means you create a better lie than the market leaders.

4. Look for creative ways to promote the business. It’s old news to have one of those blow up, dancing man characters on the roof of the business, and rolling billboards are also common now. How about combining them and having a rolling, dancing man touring the city?

5. You can also co-promote local retailers:

– Combine a bowling alley with a bait and tackle shop.

– Do a joint venture with a lingerie shop and a flower store.

– Match the local “Hillary in 2016” campaign with a lie-detection service.

7 Ways To Get More Leads Into Your Sales Funnel

Online marketers have a constant challenge: how do they get more leads to sample their wares so they can build a solid customer base? Here are seven ways to get more leads into your sales funnel in order to get more clients.

1. Drop small pots of gold along the walls of the funnel.

2. Grease the funnel with olive oil, margarine and butter.

3. Place the funnel on busy sidewalks so they fall in.

4. Bump them into the funnel with hockey hip checks.

5. Stand at one end of the funnel, shouting “Here, boy!”

6. Create a hologram so the funnel looks like their favorite room at home. When they walk in, you got ’em.

7. Give them parachutes to float down inside the narrowing walls of the funnel.

7 Habits Of Successful Entrepreneurs

Every successful entrepreneur has built these seven habits into their daily routine. How many do you share with them?

1. Wake up every day at 230am after a fitful 10 minutes of sleep.

2. Run 47 miles to the nearest small town and back.

3. Eat a healthy breakfast of juice, coffee and cereal made of shredded Wall Street Journals.

4. Review 15, 30 and 60 minute goals.

5. Repeat this affirmation out loud while driving: “I am THE ONE.”

6. Set new goals: First Chicago, then Los Angeles, then NEW YORK CITY.

7. Invent one new product every 45 minutes.


Shaklee Memories

I remember getting invited to a Shaklee meeting when I was 17. They did the whole show: nice house, two brand new Mercedes in the driveway, attractive woman presenter. It took me a while to understand what the hell they were saying. So you sell product to people AND you try to get them to sell for you, too. WTF?

I was impressed with all the shiny people, shiny products, and the presenter’s low cut blouse–hey, I was 17. AND they gave me a cool binder to keep track of sales, but I didn’t sign up. Later some guy came to my parent’s house to close me. He was a rocker dude in an old beat-up car. Where’s the hot lady and the Mercedes?

I declined. Probably could have been rich.

Crazy People in Customer Service: Listening-But-Really-Not Gal

I like when you call directory assistance and they are barely listening.

“Hello, thank you for calling Big Phone Company, how can I help you?”

“I’d like the number for Dolores Fakename in Walla Walla, Washington.”

“Yes, I’ll be glad to help you with that. And the name of the person?”

“Dolores Fakename.”

“And what city are you searching for today.”

“Walla Walla, Washington.”