Order shoes. Lost in transit or stolen. Get refund, order again. Wrong size shipped. Return shoes and reorder. Wrong size again shipped. Decide shoes are cursed. Donate them to charity.
Every man needs these suits to be well-dressed and looking sharp. If you are missing one of these classics, snap it up as soon as possible.
The Emotional Armor
This suit is perfect to deflect the crazy people in your life. Made of a special carbon/rayon/wool/cotton/nuclear fiber, it is made to withstand nagging and complaining up to 180db.
The Divorce Court
OK, it didn’t work out. It happens, in California probably twice or three times. You still want to look good.
The Elegant Bowler
Ever want to roll a few frames in the middle of the day? This suit has real bowling shoes, and a hat that turns into a ball carrier.
The Fake Opera Fan
Eventually she will ask you to go to the opera with her. This suit has a deep coat pocket bit enough to carry an iPad you can use to log on to football games on the Internet.
Made of triple-worsted wool, this warm suit has 4 flask pockets and a secret pocket for contraband.
The Pool Shark
The key here is the cane that converts to a standard pool cue.
The Golf Reversible
The jacket reverses into a golf jacket, and the pants have internal zippers just above the knee to convert them into golf shorts. Now all you need is an excuse to be out of the office for 5 hours.
Ever tried on something at the store and it looked great, and then you get home and it looks terrible?
What the heck?
An investigation of the lighting in dressing rooms of 17 top stores showed the jaw-dropping difference in how the same outfit looks.
The same model tried on the same clothes at these stores and this is the result.
Stunning and eye-opening. I didn’t think the results would be so amazing. Those stores really have shoppers fooled.
Sure, as a guy your fashion sense is not as strong as a woman’s — that’s why you should listen to them when they weigh-in on your fashion choices. We surveyed 500 women to find out the worst things men wear, and they were not shy about telling us.
British Judicial Wig
Okay, so your grandfather was a barrister in the British court, until the scandal forced him to skedaddle to the United States where he met your grandmother, and they moved to upstate New York to open a peanut butter and jelly farm. That doesn’t give you license to stroll around town in a British judicial wig.
“If you’re going to do that, at least start a death metal band called Barrister’s Bunion and spend rest of your life touring state fairs and Revolutionary war reenactments,” one flight attendant said.
There are exactly 2 people in the world who can pull off an Ascot, and you are not one of them.
“Unless your name is George Hamilton, or you have appeared on past episodes of the Avengers, leave the Ascot in the drawer. This is a look that is smashing when someone pulls it off properly, but most men look like they are trying to get into the Yacht Club on Caddyshack,” said one retail manager.
Speedos are a horrible fashion look for every man that has ever lived. A 40-year old woman said, “People say, oh, well in Europe every guy wears a Speedo. That is one reason why Europe will never emerge as a regional economic power.”
“No man should wear a Speedo ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. This includes Olympic swimming and diving champions. The Olympic committee should put new rules in place that require swimmers to where knee-length pants, and in some cases long sleeve shirts. The Speedo should be banned from international sales, and any current stock should floated out to see on a barge, on fire,” said a young lawyer with a family.
“Russian hats were made for a specific reason,” said an attractive model and entrepreneur. “They are to keep your head warm during the nine-month Russian winter where the temperatures can go as low as 100° below zero. In that case, if your name is Vladimir or Vitaly, and you work outside every day, then it is okay to wear a big Russian hat. Every other guy should shoot it, stuff it and mount it on the wall. If I see one more guy in Brooklyn wearing a Russian hat in the middle of summer, I’m going to stab him myself,” she said.
“I’m not sure where the deer antler trend started,” said an exasperated fashion merchandiser. “But now I see them all the time, both in the city and in the suburbs where I live. These guys wearing these silly deer antlers better be careful, because when deer season comes around this fall, their going to be running for the hills.”
Cowboy Boot Sandals
“The first time I saw them I almost threw up,” one woman reported. “This good old boy gets this big truck, he’s got the whole look going: the big hat, the plaid shirt with rhinestone buttons, and on his feet, my hand to God, he had on cowboy boots, the bottom half of which were sandals. Don’t ask me to describe them, just take my word for it. After I stopped laughing, I went up to him and asked him please never wear them ever again. I told him that if I ever caught him wearing his cowboy boot sandals, I would report him to the local authorities for disturbing the peace,” she explained.
Duct Tape Tie
Perhaps in response to the rising prices for quality neckties, some enterprising men have begun to fashion their own ties out of duct tape. Duct tape comes in many more styles and colors that are used to, and some men with a DIY bent are turning these colorful roles into inexpensive neckties.
Unfortunately, women are not having it. “I shrieked at the top of my lungs the first time I saw one,” an advertising vice president exclaimed. “This mid-level executive come strolling in wearing a tie made out of duct tape. The print was a repeating pattern of hammers, nails and screwdrivers. Even though he made it the perfect length, I was beside myself with laughter. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please do not, I repeat do not wear a necktie made out of duct tape,” she said, laughing hysterically.
-Athletic style crew
-Fits shoes sizes 6-12
-Reinforced heel and toe for extra durability
Yes, they are white socks. Every guy needs a big pile of the socks to get through the week. Have you ever delayed your laundry duties only to find out you have run out of a simple pair of white crew socks? Then this item is the next purchase you should make. Hang up the phone, let the dog out into the backyard and sit down right now and order this 10 pack of Hanes white crew socks.
Here is an added bonus: if you delay the laundry and run out of black socks, you can wear these white socks to work with your suit. It is true you may get some dirty looks from coworkers, but really, what do they know? These are the people that have made “Big Bang Theory” and “Two Broke Girls” monster TV hits. So their decision-making ability is questionable right there.
No, you go ahead and wear white socks with your suit. You can pull it off if you act confident and explain yourself without hesitation. Tell them that you are simply expressing yourself through your choice of clothing. You have a penchant for Stray Cats style rockabilly rock ‘n roll. All of the rockers of those days wore white socks with their skinny jeans and black shoes. You are simply moving that style to the workplace. Tell them that in the days to come they can expect you to wear a black leather jacket that has stitching on the back complete with 227 mini bulbs that light up at night and say “I’m a stray cat.”
By this time, you will have been referred to human resources to discuss your refusal to adhere to the work dress code. You are entering into the pantheon of rebels and real artists of this world. Many pretenders would adhere to the dress code and slink back to their desk. No, that’s not you. You were born as a rebel rocker and your white socks make that statement better than any other. Better than your nose ring. Better than your shaved head. Better than the tattoo on your neck that says “Stray Cat Strut.”
So when you contemplate purchasing this 10 pack of Hanes white crew socks, remember you’re not just purchasing a 79% cotton, machine washable, athletic sock that fits shoe sizes 6 to 12 and is reinforced at the toe and heel for extra durability. You are making a “rebel yell” that echo down the halls of your corporate jail. It will resonate with your coworkers as they cheer you on while you carry the stuff from your desk in a cardboard box out the door because you have been fired for not adhering to the company dress code.
No matter, finally you are free. Strut, you stray cat, strut.
This is a nice shirt. No question Tommy Hilfiger offers a great shirt at a reasonable price. It is 100 percent imported cotton, machine washable, no pocket, spread collar, and a regular cuff.
The shirt is fine. You’ll love the shirt. My question is, do we really need another plaid shirt in 2014? I haven’t seen so many plaid shirts since “Nevermind” came out, and everybody and their brother started a grunge band.
I don’t blame the hipsters, although you can blame a lot on them. It’s just the plaid cycle, where plaid comes in and out of fashion every 20 years, or 40 years, I can’t tell the real cycle honestly. When did it start? 1844? 1884?
Maybe plaid shirts reflect tectonic shifts in music. That theory make sense with grunge, but what big shift in music has happened lately? Who said Taylor Swift shifting from country to pop? Please, sit down and don’t speak anymore, you are embarrassing yourself and all your loved ones.
-Stainless steel case
-Automatic Swiss Movement
-Second hand feature
-Water resistant to 200 meters (660 feet)
-Can be used for recreational scuba diving
Not familiar with Fortis? The company was started by Walter Vogt in 1912. In 1926, he patented the first self-winding watch called the Harwood Automatic. In 1943, he created the first waterproof watches.
Clearly, the guy was a pioneer and a visionary. Either that or he was bored to tears. Maybe he was a lonely kid, and instead of creating imaginary friends, he said, “I am going to make timepieces.”
His mom would encourage him to go outside and play like the other kids, but he insisted he had to stay in to perfect the movements in his intricate creations.
Hey, times were different then. They didn’t have X-Box and Grand Theft Auto. They had soccer balls and watch-making. Vogt went with watches. Who are you to judge?
“Where were you last night?” she said.
“I worked late and then we took clients out for cocktails.”
“You were with her again, weren’t you?”
I looked at her more clearly than ever. God, she was beautiful. I remember the night we met at La Giostra in Florence–a few blocks from the Piazza del Duomo.
She turned on her heel and walked into the kitchen.
How did she know?
She walked in front of him, her perfume wafting gently on the breeze. She glanced in the shop windows, happy.
He looked past her at the Ponte Vecchio. A dog ran past him, brushing his hand. He had to return to the States the next day. As much fun as they were having, things were getting worse. He decided to find out before he left. A final answer.
A woman emerged from the next shop with a blouse cradled in her arm. The sales pitch was lyrical. And short. We stopped. She ran the fabric through her hand. He touched the soft cotton.
“How much?” he asked.
The woman spoke rapidly in Italian. He understood exactly none.
“You shouldn’t!” she said.
“Oh, but I must. Time is short.”
He followed the excited woman into the shop. As he passed under the entranceway he saw a reflection in the window. A man stood about 15 paces from her. He wore a long black coat and a black toque. He was motionless, staring at them.
It was her father.
She said she would be right down. That was 20 minutes ago.
What do they do?
He braced for the wait. After checking his new glasses in the mirror in the hall, he sat in the library and opened Blue Shirt and Khaki.
I have seen a German drill master strike a recruit for some trifling mistake or inattention; I have heard a Frenchman curse his squad by all the saints in the calendar; but I know of nothing half so effective as the quiet sarcasm that the English or Irish drill sergeant can command when he is completely out of patience with an awkward “rookie”; it is more deadly than oaths or blows; it always accomplishes the end. Up to the present, the British army has been almost built, trained, and run by non-commissioned officers, many of whom are superior to the officers over them in all but birth and breeding. These rankers are capable of commanding in so far as capability depends upon understanding every detail of their profession.”
“Are you ready?” she said, leaning over the chair.
He surveyed the books falling off the drum-style table in the breakfast room. Surely these books are a fire hazard. It’s ridiculous. Sane people give books away or sell them on Ebay.
Here is Gentlemen at Arms. The tattered cover slid downward from the block.
“He took his map and ivory scale, and worked out the angle of sight from the range and the height of the new target. The gun detachments were already at their stations. The direction was put on the dial- sight. Two men then threw the trail over with the aid of handspikes. As he shouted out the range and angle of sight, No. I of each gun repeated his words like a litany; there was a pause as the layer moved the handle of the clinometer-sight till he shouted “set.”
“Lyddite,” said the Captain. The loader thrust a shell into the breach and closed the wedge.
The Captain took out a cigarette, lit it, and waited.
About ten minutes later the telephonist, who had been waiting with his ear at the receiver, spoke:
“Mr. Miller has arrived at the O. P., sir.”
“No. I gun ready?”
“Ready, sir,” said the sergeant.
The loader pulled the lanyard. There was a loud report and a sheet of orange flame.”
He set the book on the stack and picked up the putter. Time to practice.
Your next pair of shoes may be Fondue Slippers. What? Yes, they are called that because they are made from a mold made from dipping your feet in a special mixture, like a fondue.
The best part is your feet smell like cheese for weeks.
You wish your spouse was as creative as Erik Decker’s wife. For their 20th anniversary, she had some special shoes made.
Well, this is a first. A bra that tweets.