In the news…
A thief took time to cook some tater tots and take a nap at a home he was burglarizing. The police served him justice in 60 seconds.
Vacationing Swedish police officers broke up a fight on the subway in New York City. They knocked them out with meatballs and then had a sauna.
A thief took advantage of a sleeping gas station attendant to drag out an entire cooler full of Good Humor ice cream treats. The thief got away, the attendant got coned.
China is starting to put the hammer down on prostitutes at funerals in rural villages. The government wants the farmers to concentrate on plowing the fields.
There has been a string of coyote sightings in Manhattan in the last year. The appearances closely match a similar series of roadrunner sightings.
Drexel University accidentally sent acceptance letters to 500 people that should not have received them. So please welcome Joe Ditzel, Drexel University class of 2019.
A man in Indiana had to be rescued after he wedged into a wall trying to escape the police. After his extraction, he told the cops he looked next to him inside the wall and was surprised to find Jimmy Hoffa.
A student in Washington state was suspended after he wore a fake bomb as part of his “promposal” pitch to ask a young woman to the dance. Though the joke was a dud, the school board tried to defuse the outcry, calling his tactic explosive and incendiary.