At the races

Only People With At Least 140 IQ Can Answer These 7 Questions

Is your IQ more than 140? We’ll find out soon enough. See if you can answer these seven questions correctly.

1. Who has the most World Series wins?

a. Toledo Mudhens
b. Akron Zips
c. Toluca Lake Tools
d. Nagadoches Nags

2. Which of these things do not belong with the others.

a. Channel-lock pliers
b. Chewing gum
c. Parking ticket
d. Band-aid that fell off your knee after the wound scabbed over

3. Windsor, Ontario is the capital of which Canadian Province?

a. Alberta
b. Saskatchewan
c. Ontario
d. Prince Poof Island

4. What do these numbers add up to: 7, 11.

a. A convenience store
b. The IQ of your cousin Ned
c. The real SPF of that expensive 50 sun block you purchased
d. 21

5. If your car stalls when you begin to accelerate from a stop sign, check this:

a. The ignition coils
b. The spark plugs
c. Your stick deodorant
d. The number of outstanding parking tickets you have

6. Recently a man in the news said he hid out in the woods for 10 years to escape a bad relationship. Have you ever:

a. Left in the middle of a date without telling them?
b. Moved out of state to avoid seeing an ex?
c. Ghosted your partner by conveniently taking the wrong plane to meet them in another city?
d. Faked your death to avoid listening to another of your spouse’s boring stories about their day?

7. Who is the worst President we’ve ever had?

a. President Trudeau
b. President Bobby Hull
c. President A. A. Acorn
d. President Trump


The answers are a,b,c,d.


1-80. Go back to elementary school and start over.

80-90. Congrats. You are bumped up to hall monitor.

90-99. You have an IQ that will serve you well in the restaurant industry.

100! Congratulations! You have an IQ over 140, but suffer from so many personal hang-ups, you’ll never be able to use it in regular society.

At the races

3 Ways to create killer ideas

Maybe you have a creative mind and can generate ideas regularly. But what if your NFL team just finished the season 0-17? You might not feel up to creating innovative ideas.

Or maybe your doctor just told you it’s time to give up your addiction to Real Housewives of Winnipeg — your binge watching is making you lose sleep and do poorly at work.

In that case, try one of the three techniques to create killer ideas.

Meet New People

It’s natural to want to hang around people you know. It’s comfortable. To create new ideas, it helps to get out of that habit and meet new people.

Try stopping people on the street and asking how their day is going and would they like to get some coffee. Here is how it worked for me just last week:

  • A 64-year-old lady bowler told me to get lost.
  • A 22-year-old actress/model moved against the building and shielded her eyes.
  • A 35-year-old lawyer held up a can of mace and said she was going to call the police.
  • A 52-year-old ballet dance company administrator walked faster and kept staring at the ground.

Change Your Surroundings

Do you sit in the same chair at the same desk every day? Come on — get up and change your surroundings. It will be just the creative spark you need! Try:

  • Seeing a new city by hitching a ride, sitting in the back of a tractor-trailer on a stack of leather hand bags.
  • Camping for two weeks In Yosemite with nothing but a knife, a blanket and a giant box of unopened Q-Tip packages.
  • Traveling to Europe to see long lost relatives, walking up to old ladies in Italy saying “Grandma?”

Experience New Things

The reason you can’t come with tons of new ideas is you experience the same boring day week after week. Instead of the same old routine, go out and experience new things such as:

  • Go to your local art museum, stand in front of paintings and say loudly, “Yo, we be wilding out here!”
  • Attend an adult-education class examining the rise and fall of the San Diego, ahem, Los Angeles Chargers, shaking your head a lot and crying intermittently.
  • Take guitar lessons, complaining every few minutes that “It hurts my fingers!”

To come up with new ideas, your brain needs fresh inputs that help it create new connections, thoughts and concepts. Try these methods and you’ll be an idea-generating machine.

At the races

3 Ways To Act More Mature

Be honest. You are an adult, but your maturity level is closer to a 7th grader. Maybe you just don’t know how to act mature. Here are three quick tips to help you straighten up and fly right.

Know When It’s Time to Act Silly

It’s OK to act silly, your problem is you act silly at the wrong time. It’s not the best idea to come to your grandmother’s funeral wearing a Batman costume and Ninja Turtle slippers because “MeMaw would laugh at it.”

Don’t Laugh So Much

Your skewed view of the world makes you laugh — a lot. You know most people are putting on a front because society demands it. It’s an unwritten rule. However, it’s not good to laugh at your cousin’s hair plugs just because they make the front of his head look like a toilet brush.

Give Your Boss Some Respect

Sure, you sense your boss would rather be doing anything in life than managing you clowns. But she got the job somehow, so give them the respect she deserves. Stop repeating what she says as if you are trying to remember it and act on it, when you are really just mocking her.

You can’t help that you are immature for your age, whether you are 27, 38, 45 or closing in on 60. But please, use these tips to make your life work better for everyone.

At the races

Motivational Quotes

Here are some of the motivational quotes that have kept my spirits up and encouraged me over the years.


two things kept me going - john f kennedy-1280w

There are two things that have kept me going: The love of my family and country. And free Shake Days at In-N-Out.

– John F. Kennedy


when two roads diverge-1280w

When two roads diverge, choose the drive-thru and check your order before you leave.

– Robert Frost


the most difficult thing is the decision-crop-1280w

The most difficult thing is the decision to decide. The rest is peanut butter and jelly on toast.

– Amelia Earhart


avoid the heard-crop

Avoid the heard. Make your own mark. Then sell out and cash in.



keep going round and round-crop-935w

Keep going. Round and round. No matter how long it takes. Round and round. Round and round. And don’t wretch on the people below you.

– Socrates


store away your anger-1017w

Store away your anger, your regret, and your disappointment. Put it away. Then bring it out when they least expect it, and make them pay.

– Claudius



4 Negative Attitudes of Super Successful People

They say you should think positive, and they are probably right, but sometimes people are wildly successful while maintaining a bad attitude. Here are various top achievers and their negative attitudes.

Sid, Fortune 500 CEO/ Sullen

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-Business Bob, Llanrwst 7401446554
Courtesy National Library of Wales

Sid is a CEO who led his company to $100 billion in sales while remaining sullen the whole time. He opens stock report updates by sighing loudly and talking under his breath.

Jane, Brain Surgeon/ Pessimism

Courtesy Internet Archive
Courtesy Internet Archive

Jane never thinks she is going to have a successful surgery. Despite her stellar record of success, she regularly tells the other doctors, “this is the day my streak ends.”

Ted, Major League Pitcher/ Suspicious

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

Ted has won two World Series and earns millions of dollars. So why does he believe everyone in the locker room is ripping off his stuff?

Betty, Hedge Fund Manager/ Negative Thoughts About Past

Courtesy Internet Archive
Courtesy Internet Archive

Betty was responsible for creating a new class of tech hedge funds that have created billions in new revenue for her firm. Yet she spends the ride home mumbling to her driver that she hates her father.

Bad attitudes won’t keep you from getting to the top. You just may not enjoy the rewards as much.


How To Tell If Nobody Likes You

What’s the matter? You don’t think anybody likes you? You may be right. Here are some clear signs.


People move out of the city you live in to avoid you.

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress



The lady giving free samples at the grocery store smacks your hand when you reach for a piece of salami on a toothpick.

Nantucket Historical Society
Nantucket Historical Society



Each of your exes is asking for $10,000,000 due to pain and suffering.

Courtesy SMU Central University Libraries via Flickr Commons
Courtesy SMU Central University Libraries via Flickr Commons



You get a penalty in your adult hockey league, and you haven’t even been on the ice yet.

Courtesy Internet Archive
Courtesy Internet Archive


Your kids go away to college and never come back.

Courtesy Library of Congress via Flickr Commons
Courtesy Library of Congress via Flickr Commons



Your dog has moved in with the neighbors.

Courtesy Unsplash



You invite people to your birthday party, and the only people to show up are strangers who saw it on Craigslist and came to rob you.

04317v----loc--merry making on the regents birthday--drinking--drunk--alcohol
Courtesy Internet Archive


Things You Should Do Tonight To Start Tomorrow With A Bang

crazy eyes joe

Start tomorrow with energy and zest by doing these things tonight!

  1. Trim your nose hair with a hot curling iron.
  2. Lift 20 pound barbells over your head and shout, “Screw you, Kardashians!”
  3. Take the orange juice out of the fridge and pour it down your pants.
  4. Make toast, and throw them like Frisbees at the spiders on the ceiling in the basement.
  5. Pour out all the medicine bottles in the bathroom and fill them with Skittles.
  6. Snap your head back and gargle a spicy pumpkin latte.
  7. Run to  the neighbors house and stand outside and yodel.

Now you are cooking. Get up and go get ’em, tiger.



7 Things Successful People Do Every Morning

Compare these 7 things successful people do every morning with what you do. See any difference? Okay, then. Start tomorrow incorporating these habits as soon as you wake up.


Rotate Tires on Car

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-[Gwasanaeth adnewyddu hen deiars y Bangor Tyre Service, Brynllwyd, Bangor 19363299169
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

Reflect on Plots of Sitcoms Watched Night Before

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-William Bulkeley Hughes MP (1797-1882) 6719193147
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons


Resurrect Plans for A Heavy Metal Harp Band

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-Wilfred Hughes, craftsman and harp restorer from Fron Lledrod, Llansilin, at work 12989393955
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons


Open Petting Zoo for Twins Only

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-Welsh Black cattle bred by Joseph Evans, Tyndomen, Tregaron 15867815844
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons


Call Mother and Wonder She Meant By That Comment

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-Tom Nun Nun 6979193011
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons


Reflect on 10, 25, 60, 240, 500, and 7000-Minute Goals

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-The last of the old candlemakers (Davies) 7975986498
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons


Run Through Town Singing Spice Girl Hits

man-men-guy-national library of wales-fc-Swansea Town Football Club 20740154461
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

7 Characteristics of the Super Successful

Everybody wants to be a success but nobody tells them how to do it. Worry no more, friend, here are 7 characteristics every super successful person has.

Plenty of Sleep

Courtesy Lechon Kirb via Unsplash

Super successful people get plenty of sleep. Bob Hope used to nap for 5 minutes in the middle of the day, often while filming a scene for one of his movies.


Back To Nature

unsplash- running wolf coyote image_007
Courtesy Unsplash

Successful people get out of the house and take refreshing walks in the woods, communing with nature. Just last week a successful person ran 3 miles in nature, a large brown bear chasing him the whole way.


Fit and Healthy

pd - health - surgery - medical - injury - Image from page 78 of [Manual of surgical bandages, devices and dressings (1859) 14802514513

You can’t be successful if you are always sideline with injuries. Tape it up and get back in the game, you wuss.


Works Well With Team Members

Courtesy SMU Central University Libraries via Flickr Commons
Courtesy SMU Central University Libraries
via Flickr Commons

The swashbuckling loner hero is a romantic notion, but the truth is successful people work well with teams. It also helps to have someone to blame when things go south.


Stay Organized

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

If you don’t have your ducks in a row, you can never be a success. On the other hand, if you are neatness-obsessed dweeb who counts his socks, you won’t have any friends.


Strong Support System

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

Successful people have a network of loved ones and work contacts they rely on for support. They only get in trouble if their loved ones catch them in the act with their work contacts.


Money Wise

Courtesy Internet Archive
Courtesy Internet Archive

Successful people are careful with their money. You better be careful with your money when it took you 20 months to plan a 15-minute bank heist.


At the races

Spiritual Leader Streamcasts Live From Burning Man 2015

desert dance - Jessica Polar

Recently, a well-known speaker and spiritual leader closely associated with the Transcendental Meditation movement in California was streamcasting live from the 2105 Burning Man festival in northern Nevada.

She repeatedly attempted to post one video after another to Facebook using the Facebook streaming app. It didn’t go as well as expected.

“Hello everyone, I’m coming to you live from Burning Man 2015. You guys should come to Burning Man the first chance you get, this is the center of love and inclusiveness in the world and I just wanted talk about how my followers can learn……”

“Sorry guys, the Wi-Fi at Burning Man is not very strong. I think my last message got cut off and I…”

“Oh, nuts, I got cut off again. As I was saying, Burning Man is the closest thing that we have to the feeling of love and brotherhood that scenes like Woodstock and other festivals had in the 1960s, and I just want to bring back that feeling to our world today…”

“Gosh darn it, I got cut off again, I’m really sorry about that everyone, I’m really getting very frustrated about this crappy Wi-Fi here at Burning Man. I was just talking about the need for worldwide love and…”

“Dammit! Who sets up this damn Wi-Fi! I’ve had it up to here with this Wi-Fi…”

“Dammit! I got cut off again! I’m really getting tired of this lack of support for loyal Burning Man attendees like me. I mean, I’ve been coming here for years, and I deserve better technology than the crap this joke of a gathering is providing for me…”

“Oh my Lord, I got cut off again. Brothers and sisters, I’m really, really sorry about this horrific, terrible treatment I’m getting at what is supposed to be Ground Zero for love and light in the world. I’m about to make some phone calls and get someone out here to straighten this crap out…”

“For the love of all that is holy in the world, someone come out here and straighten out my Wi-Fi problems before I take this phone and throw it across the playa and hit somebody and hope to heck that gets some attention. When will I finally get some gosh dang support for this lame Wi-Fi. It is making me crazy and making me lose all of my chakra energy…”


7 Things Passive-Aggressive People Do

pd - mental health - psychology - mad - sad - glad - afraid - 14804691213_c7fda84f02_o-1280w

Passive aggressive people do some strange things.

1. They say they like your haircut and then shave your head while you are sleeping.

2. Sign up for every extra-curricular activity at college and then quit school.

3. Ask thirty-three girls to get married and then start a commune.

4. Buy a new Corvette and then drive a Prius.

5. Serve the ball in tennis and then play “Enter Sandman” by Metallica on their racket-guitar.

6. Run seven miles from home and then move in with the family in the nearest house they find.

7. Build a fly-trap out of an old plastic bottle and a photo of their ex.

At the races

7 Things Mentally Strong People Do Every Day of Their Lives

Are you as mentally strong as you could be? Review these daily habits from mentally strong people and learn how to up your mental game.

Shoot Dice

Mentally strong people practice shooting dice every morning.

Yell at the TV

Mentally strong people get ready to take on the world by yelling at the dumb antics of the local yokel morning talk show.

Call For Rain

Mentally strong people like to open the window and yell, “Rain, now, dang it all!”

Build A Rubber-Band Gun

Mentally strong people build rubber band guns so they are ready when it all goes to pot.

Popsicle Art

Mentally strong people build their creative side by making popsicle art.

7th Grade Love Letters

Mentally strong people copy out by hand love letters they have kept in a box in the closet for years.

Bottle Rocket Tank

Mentally strong people like to make tanks out of bottle rockets.

Are you working on any of these skills? If not, now is the time to start getting stronger mentally.