Another Academy Awards show is in the books, and dang if there weren’t some inspiring, amazing moments including:
Julianne Moore, Winner of Best Actress for “Still Alice”
“Alice Hyatt was the best TV show character in the last 50 years. It was a gift to be able to portray her life in her greasy spoon diner on the big screen.”
J.K. Simmons, Winner of Best Supporting Actor for “Whiplash”
“We are Farmers, Bum da Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum!”
Patricia Arquette, Winner of Best Supporting Actress for “Boyhood”
“You want to know the funny thing — I only gave 88 percent effort. How do you like that, huh?”
Eddie Redmayne, Winner of Best Actor for “The Theory of Everything”
“When you watch Stephen Hawking beat his 10-year-old neighbor in chess, well, it’s a life changing moment.”
Pawel Pawlikowski, Winner of Best Foreign Language Film for “Ida”
“Fantastyczne Życie jest pełne niespodzianek!”
Emmanuel Lubezki, Winner of Achievement in Cinematography for “Birdman”
“This is my best work since working with Michael on ‘Working Stiffs.'”
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Armando Bo, Winners of Best Original Screenplay for “Birdman”
“This is our best work since working with Michael on ‘Working Stiffs.'”
Graham Moore, Winner of Best Adapted Screenplay for “The Imitation Game”
“It’s true. No one knows who I am.”
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Winner of Best Director for “Birdman”
“I’m not kidding. Michael was great on that show. Belushi was the diva.”
Alejandro González Iñárritu and others, Winner of Best Picture for “Birdman”
“Belushi thought he was the anchor. But Keaton was the cornerstone the whole time.”
Miranda Lambert looks happy in her flowing gown!
Iggy Azalea gets “Fancy” in her aquamarine hat.
Wow! Madonna is always taking chances!
Katharine McPhee in a reflective moment. She’s come a long way since American Idol! Or was it The Voice?
Gwen Stefani rocks a classic bow hat. Ready for high winds!
Taylor Swift is taking more risks these days! Here she sports flowers and pearls in her hair with a single flower in-hand — setting trends!
Katy Perry roars with a blazing hair doilie!
Images courtesy National Gallery of Art
Here is my movie and TV phrase bucket list. These are the phrases I want to say in TV shows or movies at one time or another before I kick the bucket.
“We’ve got a runner!”
“Put your hands on your head!”
“Wait! Don’t shoot! OK, ok, ok. He’s holed up in a warehouse in Chinatown.”
“I’ve been doing this a long time. And I can smell guilty.”
“He has no digital footprint. He’s a ghost.”
“This is now a joint task force.”
“I used to have a partner. They didn’t listen, either.”
“You better tell me what I want to know. And quick!”
“Maybe we need to try some ‘enhanced’ methods.”
“Sorry about the blood on the floor and walls. My service comes in Tuesdays.”
“This is my case. Back off.”
“I was really hoping we could do this the easy way.”
“How would you like to spend some time in our guest wing, son? Murderer’s Row!”
I had a good set at the Comedy Store. A comic friend sat down across the table.
“You know, you should do commercials,” he said.
“You mean, like a spokesperson, an executive type?” I pictured myself in a $2,000 suit holding up the latest cold medicine, stating in stentorian tones, “This medicine is so strong, you won’t feel your headache, or anything else, including your feet.”
“Well, more like a neighbor guy,” he said. “A guy that has a riding mower.”
Actors tell me it is important to know yourself so you can predict how casting agents will see you for roles in commercials and movies and TV shows. If you look like a Hell’s Angel, you shouldn’t go out for accountant roles. My problem is I think I look one way, but other people see something else.
After my set at the Brewco later in the week, a guy approached me with his card out. He wore sunglasses even though it was well past 11 at night. He had a blue baseball cap which he wore backwards and pulled low.
“Very funny”, he opened. “I like the golf stuff. I’m Jerry Steinberg. Steinberg Productions. We do music videos and some commercials. I have a client who makes golf driving nets. The kind you can set up in your back yard and hit golf balls into. I need a golfer type to be in a commercial. Interested?”
Of course. I have a classic golf look – square jaw, piercing gaze and athletic body, like Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson. Combine that with my beautiful swing and winning personality, I knew I’d be perfect.
“Tell me more,” I said, as if directors were always approaching me after my sets.
“Well, I need a guy that is not in as good a shape as he could be. A guy who could be further in his career but plays too much golf. He’s obsessed by it. But, he’s not very good.”
“He’s the kind of guy who buys all the latest golf gadgets and doo-dads but never gets any better. Eternally hopeful, eternally lousy.”
“He uses golf to distance himself. Instead of spending time building relationships, he works on his golf game. But his swing looks like he is chopping firewood.”
“But, he has money. And spends it on expensive stuff like our golf nets. Do you think you could play this character in our commercials? And infomercials?”
“Well, I don’t really know anybody like that.”
But a gig is a gig. I’ll study up on it.