Eagles Fans Punch Police Horses – Twice in One Week

Philadelphia fans were understandably excited to face the Minnesota Vikings for a chance to appear in the 2018 Super Bowl to lose to the Patriots.

Some fans were too excited.

Yahoo Sports reported: “You would assume that fans punching police horses wouldn’t happen that often, either. An Eagles fan was arrested a week ago for doing just that, and any sane person could assume it was a onetime thing that would in no way repeat itself, at least not soon. How wrong we all were. Because in the parking lot of the Linc at 3:15 p.m. on Sunday, three hours before the game would even start, another man was arrested for punching a police horse in the face.”

But hold on to your officially-licensed NFL team gear.

It gets worse.

After the second horse-punching incident, strange reports came in from around the Philly area:

  • A man was seen riding an African Lion at the Philadelphia Zoo, yelling, “Remember 39! Remember 39!,” a reference to the Eagles 24-21 loss to the Patriots in Super Bowl XXXIX in 2004.
  • A young woman was arrested after boxing the ears of a monkey at a pet store at the Schuylkill River Mall. After taunting the monkey with odd slurrings such as “Where’s your Case Keenum now, my pretty?”, she ran through the mall and crashed into a Sunglass Hut display.
  • A group of fans terrorized a gaggle of geese near the stadium, sending feathers flying as they ran towards them, beer spit flying from their mouths, yelling, “Foles! Foles! Foles! Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!”

Philadelphia mayor Jim Kenney took to the airwaves and social media channels later in the day, asking the city to remain calm in the giddy face of inexplicable victory, and asked them to stop throwing eggs at neighborhood cats.

3 Fun Facts About the New York Giants

The New York Giants started in 1925 when they and four other teams joined the young National Football League. The Giants are the only surviving team of those five. The four teams that fell by the wayside over the years include the Los Angeles Phonies, the Chicago Coldbones, the Houston Humidities, and the Des Moines Corn Detasslers.

Baseball’s San Francisco Giants were in New York when the New York Giants football team adopted the same moniker. Again, I ask: why do teams take on the names of other sports franchises that already use that name. It’s happened a bunch of times. So, the Giants called their corporation the “New York Football Giants” to distinguish from themselves from the baseball team. What, there were NO OTHER team names available on the entire earth? How about a name like the New York City-That-Never-Sleeps-Because-It-Has-Downed-148-Cups-of-Coffee-And-Smoked-4-Packs-of-Cigarettes. That’s a team I can cheer for.

The Giants have a long-standing rivalry with the Philadelphia Eagles. Apparently, it started in 1933, but has manifested itself many times since, including a brutal hit in the 1960s from the Eagle’s Chuck “Concrete Charlie” Bednarik on the Giants Frank Gifford that sidelined him for 18 months. Years later, Bednarik denied requests to do the same to the person who taught Franks’s wife, Kathie Lee Gifford, how to sing.

5 Ways Hockey Should Be Used in Everyday Life

Hockey is great, but I think we should use parts of hockey in daily life.

Hip Check

Fed up with that annoying co-worker? The next time they come walking towards you, ready to sell you on their latest pyramid/MLM scheme, hip-check them over the cubicle wall.

Penalty Box

Tired of your mother haranguing you about dating that girl with hoop earrings and a tendency to say things like “You get back, Jojo!” Put her in the penalty box you built in your living room. No TV, no phone.


Jerk cuts you off on the road? You are allowed to pull them over and take their keys, returnable after 5 days.

Third Man In

The Third Man In rule in hockey provides a game misconduct to any player who jumps into a fight already in progress. In real life, any family member who jumps into the middle a fight between two family members has to sleep in the backyard for one night.


The icing rule prevents players from shooting the puck the length of the ice. For everyday life, the icing rule penalizes your wife when she “ices” you — not talking or responding to any of your questions about “what’s wrong?”

Lost Sailors’ Story Questioned

In the past few days, two Hawaii women were rescued after their sailboat drifted for five months in the Pacific. After being picked up by a US ship and brought to port, the survivors detailed their ordeal: The mast and engine failed, and they began drifting in rough seas off Oahu.

Not long after their rescue, many sailing and naval experts began questioning their story. For instance, they had an Emergency Position Indicating Radio Beacon on the ship, but it was not turned on. They were also contacted at one point by another US ship and asked if they needed help, but reported they were not in danger.

Further complicating their story, the pair were also sighted at at the Kahala Mall when there were supposedly lost at sea, looking for doggie treats for the two canines they had on board. One dog likes peanut butter and banana biscuits and the other likes bacon-flavored doggie bones. “We’ve had a heck of a time finding these flavors on the Islands,” one of the sailors reportedly stated to a cashier at the Doggie Delectable Delights store in the Mall.

Two weeks later, the sailors were spotted parasailing on Hawaii’s Gold Coast near Diamondhead, a popular tourist area. Both were heard saying at various times, “Woooahhhh! Woaahhh! It’s too high! Bring me down! Bring me down!” The owner of the parasailing service said, “Often people don’t realize parasails can fly as high as 500 ft on a towline of 800 feet, or about the height of a 50 story building. Sometimes they get terrified once they are up there.”

I’ll update this story as more details emerge.

Why, Why, Why San Diego?

“I still can’t believe it,” Stan said.

I knew Stan from years ago. We lost touch when he moved to San Diego. Recently we ran into each other in LA.

“Why, why did the Chargers have to leave San Diego?” he cried.

“I know, it sucks.”

“And to Los Angeles, of all the God-forsaken places. No offense.”

“None taken. I’m used to it.”

“Can you imagine San Diego without an NFL team? It’s just not right. What’s wrong with a city and a team owner when they can’t meet in the middle and get things done?”

“Washington has been doing it for years.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Listen, I know how you feel. People love their hometown teams. Same thing happened in Cleveland. All those years I supported them, and one night they disappeared. I even scanned the missing persons website to see if they showed up. Next thing I know some people reported seeing them in Baltimore. No break-up letter, note, or even a text. Talk about being ghosted.”

I Turn Los Angeles Teams Into Winners

I moved to Los Angeles in 1991.

Two years later the Kings made it to the Stanley Cup finals for the first time. They won the Cup in 2012 and 2014 when I lived a block away from Staples.

In 2000, the Lakers started an amazing series of NBA Championship wins including 2000, 2001, 2002, 2009, and 2010.

After several months sabbatical in Ohio, I returned to LA in spring of 2017. The Dodgers immediately run the table to make the World Series and take a 1-0 lead at this writing.

In short, I have positive influence on LA major league sports teams except football and roller derby, and I’m happy to do my part.

An Open Letter to Bicyclists Who Ride at Night With No Lights

Dear Night Rider,

Glad to know you are out riding your bike, getting some fresh air and exercise. I know with today’s busy schedules, it’s hard to get in a ride during the day. That’s probably why you were riding at 12 midnight. I get it. The air is crisp and it’s nice and quiet.

One suggestion: can you add a couple of lights, say one on the front and one on the back of your bike when you are riding at night? I didn’t see you when I was driving until you weaved right in front of me in the dark, suddenly shooting across a four-lane road without looking to make a sweeping left turn.

Heck, throw in a couple of reflective strips on your clothing while you are at it.

Hey, I ride myself. I get it. Biking is the best. And sometimes, our only transportation option. So have it.

I know you are out there, Night Rider. I just can’t see you. At all.


Peering in the Dark

Coolest names in 2017 Stanley Cup Finals – Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Nashville Predators

Coolest names in 2017 Stanley Cup Finals – Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Nashville Predators


Olli Maata
Evgeni Malkin


Pekka Rinne
Filip Forsberg
Roman Josi
PK Subban
Colton Sissons
Calle Jarnkrok
Vernon Fiddler
Miikka Salomaki
Juuse Saros
PA Parenteau

Winner: Predators

Crazy Golfers: Throw-One-Down-Let-Me-Show-You Guy

This dude is similar to Mr. Instructor. Like Mr. Instructor, he hands out unwanted golf tips with the enthusiasm of an MLM seminar leader. But he takes it one step further. After you hit a shot, he immediately gives you a golf tip, then says, “Got another ball? Throw one down and let me show you.”

This might be alright if the guy didn’t do this all day to every person he meets on every shot they take, and if he actually knew anything beyond what you learn your first year in the game.

Crazy Golfers: Mr. I-Can’t-Believe-It-Didn’t-Drop!

Mr. I-Can’t-Believe-It-Didn’t-Drop rolls his putt 12 way wide of the hole, but acts like it nearly went in. As the putt travels by the hole, he jumps in the air, bends his body at the waist, yelling “OHHHHHHHH! Almost!” He acts as if the ball singed the edge of the cup, but in reality the ball had no chance at all since you could fit a trash dumpster between the hole and the ball.