Cable TV news programs have way too many guest commentators. And each guest has a title that is wwaaayyy too long.
I recently saw the Adventure Capitalists show on CNBC. Interesting:
Company: Our brand is targeting the affluent, high end market.
Potential Investor 1: I love your product, but you are missing the general market.
Company: Exactly, we are targeting the high end market. Were you listening to my pitch?
Potential Investor 2: It’s a great product, but you seem to be missing most of the market.
Company: As I said, it’s a high-end brand. Are you guys deaf?
Potential Investor 3: Wow, great product, love it! But I don’t think the average consumer in this market will be interested.
Company: We don’t want the general market. We have a laser focus on a specific niche, you know, like every successful new business. Were you playing Angry Birds during my pitch?
Investors: Sorry, we don’t see you can reach the average guy in this market. No investment today from us.
Company: Cool. How about I start a business to help people with their listening skills.
Could the Undercover Boss participants be less surprised anymore? Boss: “Surprise! I’m the boss!”
Employee: “Yes, we knew when you walked in with that ridiculous fake beard weeks ago.”
Sadly, there are several TV shows that are a hare’s whisker from being cancelled. The days are numbered for:
The Depression-era drama about rum runners using roller skates to escape the law didn’t roll well with viewers.
You’ve Got Cataracts
A heart-warming rom-sitcom about a divorced eye doctor and one of his patients is on life support.
This reality show offered a lifetime spray tan membership to one of 12 overly pasty contestants in Chicago, but the show will be cancelled before the winner is announced.
Index Card Killer
A drama about a serial killer who finishes off his victims with the sharp edge of brand new index cards. It didn’t catch on with viewers and will be killed off in two weeks.
TV fans turned up their noses to this reality show pitting college dorms against each other in a contest of which is more filthy, grimy and bacteria-ridden.
The new late night TV talk shows are being lauded for their social media integration and innovative bits. Thing is, Letterman probably did it long ago.
News reports today say a longtime “The View” producer was fired after getting in shouting matches with one of the stars of the show, Rosie O’Donnell, before Ms. O’Donnell left the show earlier this year to be with her family.
Apparently, there was ongoing tension between the two that finally bubbled into a shouting match, and the producer was suspended and ultimately let go. However, it also happened at about the time that Rosie O’Donnell was leaving the show anyway to spend more time with her family and focus on her kids.
At the same time, a unrelated freelance web developer in Colorado also got into a shouting match with a coworker. The web developer, who works alone out of the loft of her cabin in the mountains near the town of Frisco, got into a spat with her cat calypso.
Calypso had been acting up for several weeks and the tension had been building. It came to a head when the cat decided to jump on the web developer’s head as she entered the kitchen. The cat had to leap 6 to 7 feet from the top of the fridge to the top of her head.
In the ensuing shock and surprise, the web developer shrieked and spun around several times sending the cat into the brand-new flatscreen TV. The impact knocked the TV into a brand-new $2000 painting she bought on a ski trip to Breckenridge earlier this year.
The web developer scolded the act with angry words. Calypso acted as if it was all in good fun, and the web developer owner was taking it much too seriously.
“I am sorry that the TV smashed the painting,” said Calypso. “But here’s the thing. We are all in this cabin all alone all the time and we never go outside. Even in the summer. I did the refrigerator jumping stunt as a way to liven things up around here. Life is short. In other words, it’s not my fault.”
The web developer countered that Calypso never takes the blame for anything. In fact, she said the cat is an expert at pretending that nothing actually happened at all.
The owner said that she was thinking about firing Calypso and bringing in some new talent. However, at press time Calypso was seen laughing at this, as she knows the owner will always keep her around despite her shenanigans.
Everybody says Jerrod Carmichael is funny and extremely likeable. Those qualities will front and center when his new sitcom for NBC debuts.
Sorry, folks! These shows have been on the bubble for the last few weeks, and many of them are facing the blade of the programmer’s guillotine.
Unless things change in a dramatic fashion, I fully expect these shows to be cancelled soon. You could always try a mail-in campaign to try to get your network to save your favorite show!him
This charming sitcom set in the offices of a fast-growing app startup on Mars stars Emma Stone and Justin Timberlake. A quirky, romantic interstellar office comedy, it suffers from low ratings mostly by the fact that it goes up against reruns of Gilmore Girls. Fans can take heart in the fact that network executives are planning on running it on their website should it be canceled on the main network.
Stuffed and Dangerous
This colorful variety show featuring only the puppet characters from the original “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” TV show was lauded by critics and fans alike for its snappy pace and silly jokes. However, without the presence of its original star, the peripheral characters have nothing to hang on as a centering character. The network plans to bundle the episodes and sell them online on Amazon Prime.
This New York-based drama set in the offices of a fashion photographer is “50 Shades of Greyy” meets “Law and Order.” Starring Sofia Vergara and Charlie Hunnam as the most appealing characters in prime time TV, the show has suffered from poor scripts and leaked plot points. However, it has a core of fans that continue to support the telegenic stars with dedicated fan sites, online chat boards and lots of stalking arrests.
Light at the End of the Tunnel
This futuristic look at New York City in the year 2075 contemplates what life will be like when robots take over. Starring Bryan Cranston and Erin Paul, the two major stars who rocketed to the top of the nation’s consciousness in “Breaking Bad,” Light at the End of the Tunnel has had surprisingly meager ratings since it debuted after the Super Bowl earlier this year. While it has a strong following of “Breaking Bad” fans, its initial high ratings soon dwindled when viewers couldn’t follow the unfathomable plot, and there were reports in the entertainment press that the stars were considering quitting in favor of starting their own online science education show called “Blue Ice.”
Staring the former members of Jersey shore, “Laundry Bag” is the adventures of the Jersey shore gang after they move from the beaches to Los Angeles to further their entertainment careers. The kids are now in their mid-30s and find that the challenges of life on the shore are nothing compared to the slicksters, hucksters and sharks they encounter in Hollywood. This show started out with poor ratings and has continued at that pace. Still, The Situation, J-Wow and the others still have some followers. As a result, the show is expected to be available at drive-in movies in the New Jersey area soon.
Starring Harrison Ford as a shoemaker in the 1940s, he repairs shoes for women whose husbands have gone off to war. He becomes romantically intertwined with one of the women after she comes to pick up her order for new heels on three pairs of dress shoes. The sappy comedy was laughed at the upfronts, and continued to be ridiculed by viewers and critics alike, although it is in no way shape or form a comedy. One critic said, “Mr. Ford plods through Shoemaker as if he is making scrambled eggs for himself in the morning while watching SportsCenter.”
Fan boy stars Benedict Cumberbatch as the inventor of a new type of room fan which becomes the most important consumer clients in years due to global warming. The ludicrous plot failed to gain traction and the star himself was often heard saying that he would rather dig ditches and de-tassel corn in the summer to make money than have to suffer through trying to make sense of the scripts he was given every day.
This coming-of-age story of a young newspaper reporter learning the ropes at a high school newspaper in Fargo North Dakota is the journalistic version of “Friday Night Lights.” With excellent reviews by the New York Times, Hollywood Reporter and other mainstream media, Furtive Minds looked to be the breakout star of the new TV season. However, viewers were said to find it hard to believe that Scott Baio could be reasonably expected to be a high school student, despite his youthful looks.
Clamshell refers to the older style of phones before the evolution of smartphones. The clamshell now represents a technophobe who is locked in the past and refuses to advance their technology and lives. Starring a pot-smoking Seth Rogen, Clamshell follows his adventures as he tries to gain employment during the economic downturn of the early 2000s. Clamshell was destined for cancellation after the episode in which Mr. Rogan used his phone as a roach clip.