Dadbods and Democrat Sex

Everyone’s talking about Dadbod, which is not hunky or flabby, right in the middle. I have Granddadbod which comes from sleeping on the porch. Dadbod is described as falling between a six-pack and a keg. My body is more like a beer stein. Easy to grab on to and it smells like hops and malts.

A recent survey says men and women want love at different times of the day. Women are friskier late at night while men are friskier in the morning, late morning, noon, afternoon, early evening, sundown, nighttime, late at night and 330-4am when they can’t sleep. Women are also friskier from 11pm-2am, while men are friskier when they wake up. So I’ve changed my work day to the night shift so I can wake up at 11pm.

Speaking of frisky, another poll says conservative Republicans have more orgasms than liberal Democrats — especially when they win in Democrat strongholds. The same poll found ambitious women turn men on. I like a woman who’s ambition in life is to turn me on.

Half of the women in the poll said bad sex was a deal breaker. What about breaking bad sex? Does that count. Bad sex is like studying for a final. It’s tedious, boring and you are apprehensive about your final grade.

Many women polled also said housework should not be left up to them alone. I agree: How much bad sex will you endure if I do the dishes?  More men than women polled said it was OK for men to say at home and play the role of Mr. Mom. Of course they said that — no work and get to play X-Box all day. Where do I sign?

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.