Discrimination in the Short North

2722108293_e713c07eba_o----jack barrett and Barnum-1910-short-tall-loc via fc

The Short North neighborhood in Columbus, Ohio is politically incorrect and insensitive. Why are they limiting this area to people with a height of 5 feet tall and under?

Visitors from out of town will naturally assume that the Short North side is only for shorter people . “You don’t want to go to that part of town,” taxi drivers will advise. “All of the bars and tabletops are set 2 feet off the ground.  You will think you are playing house.”

This discriminates against people taller than 5 feet.

“Honey, I would like to visit the Short North area because I’ve heard so much about it, but apparently we can’t go there because I’m 6-3 and you’re 5-5.”

It’s confusing. Does this mean that the South side is full of tall people? The Tall South? Is that was is happening? The city is segmenting the neighborhoods by height?

I don’t know if this is a good development. I don’t think this is the way to go. We have so much discrimination and alienation in society already — why create another segment based on height?

If you to continue on this path, what’s next? Why discriminate on height? Why not discriminate on hair color? You can only live in the Platinum Blonde West if you go to a salon once a month to get your roots done. You can only live in the Ginger East if both of your parents are Irish, and you get sunburns at night from the moon. Moon burns.

And then you will need a slogan to promote tourism and home buying:

–“Ginger East – for people with healthy red hair and sickly pale skin.” Or “Ginger East – when you are so pale, we can see your internal organs.”

–“Platinum Blonde West – because your real hair color is never good enough.”

And if you plan on discriminating by hair color, what about people who don’t fit in any one specific category. What about the girl with brown hair that has the same green, pink and blue streaks in it since seventh grade. Where does she get to live? Clintonville?

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.