Ditzels Through History

I’m tracing my family tree. I feel that the history of each family is the real history of the United States. I want to find out why my ancestors left Germany in the 1880’s to settle in Dayton. I want to learn first hand the sacrifices they made. Plus I want to see if there is any hidden treasure they left that rightfully belongs to me.

So far I have not found any money. However, my extensive research has gone well past the 1880’s as I found these Ditzels through history:

* Pope Ditzel I- the nearsighted Pope. He once said confession in one of the stalls in the ladies room at the Vatican.

* Saint Ditzel- the patron saint of Old Milwaukee beer.

* Claude Ditzel- an impressionist painter, his best known work is “Aristotle on Telephone With Bookie.”

* Thomas Washington Ditzel- one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. When his turn came to sign, there was no more room on the page so he signed his name on a post-it note.

* Magellan Ditzel- one of the first explorers to look for the new world. His unique theory was that the world wasn’t flat, but square.

* Francis Ditzel- founded a bicycle company in 1920’s Paris. Invented the “Bicyclet Menage-a-Trois”, the world’s only bicycle built for three.

* Claudius Ditzel- in ancient Greek he was the first javelin catcher.

* Nebechanezar Ditzel- bartender at the happy hour before The Last Supper.

* Sigmund Ditzel- developed the theory of the Edison complex- the theory states that women think that men are as bright as a broken lightbulb.

* John Sebastian Ditzel- a prolific composer he wrote 400 cantatas, 175 preludes, 63 fugues, and the classic “Ode to Akron”.

* Ditzel the Lesser- the brother of Alexander the Great. Swept up after the horses.

* Alexander Graham Ditzel- invented the 900 number.

* Ludwig van Ditzel- even though he was completely deaf, he was responsible for one of the most important developments in music history: the K-Tel record. Constantly innovative, he also developed the Pocket Fisherman and Mr. Microphone.

* Adam Smith Ditzel- one of history’s leading figures in the development of economic theory. He studied at Oxford and later became a professor at Glasgow University. He spent his life attempting to introduce the idea of one world currency- Ditzelbucks. The idea failed.

And finally:

* Attila the Ditzel- built an empire of bowling alleys from 436 to 453. Killed anyone who attempted to start a rival bowling chain. He put their heads on stakes during league nights.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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