Dumb, Dumb, Dumb Job Applicants

LOC 5083444077----library of congress via fc-clown-suit-funny-woman-lady-girlYears after the economic meltdown, the job market is still tight. You might think job interviewees would keep their interview game in tip-top shape. Not so much. Here are some actual incidents about job interviewers as told by the people that interviewed them.

Clown Suit

One HR director says that a interviewer came in wearing a clown suit. You might think this was some attempt at standing out, but this clown was committed. He did balloon animal tricks, drank fizzy water from an invisible glass and filled the room with rubber balls. He didn’t get the job he interviewed for, but was able to procure an immediate role as a vice president of the company.

Romantic Interlude

An interviewer told the story of a young woman who came in to interview with him for a job. She proceeded to move her chair to his side of the desk, and put her arm around his neck well kissing him on the cheek. The interviewer asked what she was doing, and she replied that she was demonstrating her ability to warm up her audience before a presentation.

Gross, Dude!

Another interviewer told the story of an interviewee who coughed and hacked their way through the entire interview, stopping halfway through to vomit into the trash receptacle next to her desk. Told he should come back when he is feeling better, the interviewee said there is no problem; he was just having a bad reaction to the drugs he takes to maintain his grip on reality.

Brought a Friend

An HR professional told the story of an interviewee who brought along his best friend from high school. Asked why he brought his friend, the job applicant said they had been inseparable since middle school, and he would be able to help answer any questions he needed help with. Told that the applicant would not be able to bring his friend to the job itself, he replied that it was okay — he would just call him on the phone.

Can You Do My Work For Me?

One applicant, when asked what they knew of the company they were interviewing for, asked the interviewer to give them a quick rundown as they had not had time to check. The interviewer asked why he would come to a job interview without preparing, and the applicant said they had been busy working on their golf swing for the upcoming city championship.

Snack Time

In the middle of one interview, an applicant opened her briefcase and broke out a variety of snacks and began to eat them in front of the interviewer. She apologized and said she had low blood sugar, especially under times of stress, and that eating chocolate bars, candy coated doughnuts and an assortment of cinnamon buns would allow her to provide the best interview possible.

Overdressed

A vice president of human resources recalled the time that an applicant came in wearing a tuxedo. The applicant stated that he read that you should dress at one level above the people you are meeting with, and since he did not know the dress level at the company, he was playing safe with formal wear. The HR vice president said that it was unlikely he would need to wear a tuxedo at the job, although he would be glad to give them an order when he saw him at the restaurant that he would most likely be working in soon as a waiter.

Show Business

Interviewing is tricky because you want to stand out, but not too much. One interviewee lost sight of this guideline when he showed up at the interview playing 17 instruments on a one-man band bicycle that he built in his garage. Despite this gaffe, he might have had a chance because he was highly qualified, but he couldn’t break away from playing the latest Lady Gaga tunes one after another long enough to actually be interviewed.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.