Eagles Fans Punch Police Horses – Twice in One Week

Philadelphia fans were understandably excited to face the Minnesota Vikings for a chance to appear in the 2018 Super Bowl to lose to the Patriots.

Some fans were too excited.

Yahoo Sports reported: “You would assume that fans punching police horses wouldn’t happen that often, either. An Eagles fan was arrested a week ago for doing just that, and any sane person could assume it was a onetime thing that would in no way repeat itself, at least not soon. How wrong we all were. Because in the parking lot of the Linc at 3:15 p.m. on Sunday, three hours before the game would even start, another man was arrested for punching a police horse in the face.”

But hold on to your officially-licensed NFL team gear.

It gets worse.

After the second horse-punching incident, strange reports came in from around the Philly area:

  • A man was seen riding an African Lion at the Philadelphia Zoo, yelling, “Remember 39! Remember 39!,” a reference to the Eagles 24-21 loss to the Patriots in Super Bowl XXXIX in 2004.
  • A young woman was arrested after boxing the ears of a monkey at a pet store at the Schuylkill River Mall. After taunting the monkey with odd slurrings such as “Where’s your Case Keenum now, my pretty?”, she ran through the mall and crashed into a Sunglass Hut display.
  • A group of fans terrorized a gaggle of geese near the stadium, sending feathers flying as they ran towards them, beer spit flying from their mouths, yelling, “Foles! Foles! Foles! Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!”

Philadelphia mayor Jim Kenney took to the airwaves and social media channels later in the day, asking the city to remain calm in the giddy face of inexplicable victory, and asked them to stop throwing eggs at neighborhood cats.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.