Eastsiders Gang Takes On West Side Mallards in Epic Battle

Image Credit - Tom Koerner/USFWS
Image Credit – Tom Koerner/USFWS


“It’s just going to be a meet up,” said Tony. “There won’t be any problems. We’re just going to talk.”

“Sure, all the Eastsiders want to do is talk! You know something, Tony? All we’ve done is talk with those guys for the last three months. We’ve talked and talked and talked and talked. And where has that gotten us? Nowhere!” said Knuckles, Tony’s right hand man.

The Westside Mallards were in their clubhouse discussing the latest peace truce meeting the Eastsiders had offered. All of the Mallards looked at each other after Knuckles finished talking.

“Look,” Tony finally said. “Let’s just meet with them and see what they have to say. Right now, if we keep going on the path we’re on, were going to lose more of the brothers and we will be sitting here in six months saying the same thing, minus twenty five percent of the ducks in this room!”

The crowded Westside Mallard clubhouse rippled with murmurs and approving nods. It was set. They would meet with the Eastsiders at the Glen in three nights.

Tony couldn’t stop thinking about the meet up. He had been president of the Westside Mallards for the past two years, and he had never seen violence like the past six months. He knew he had to take the lead and create a new direction for the gang.

Three nights later, the Westside Mallards met with the Eastsiders at the Glen in the middle of the maple forest.

“Okay, Vito,” said Tony. “You’ve got your meet up. Let’s hear what you have to say, but make it fast. Half of these brothers didn’t want to even be here tonight!”

“Hey no problem,” said Vito, president of the Eastsiders crew. We appreciate the opportunity to talk. Our two gangs have been through a lot with each other over the years, but the violence of the last few months has gotten out of hand, and we have a proposition to create peace.”

Tony said, “What kind of proposition?”

“This!” Vito yelled, and all all hell broke loose. The Eastsiders rushed the Westside gang, wings swinging and feet flying. The Glen, the pond and the entire maple forest became a dark cloud of feathers and fury as the Mallards tried to beat back the surprise onslaught.

It seemed like hours went by before Tony yelled out for a retreat. The Westside crew headed back behind the hill surrounding the Glen. The Eastsiders stayed on the battlefield, picking up their dead.

Vito yelled out into the forest, “Eastsiders rule, fools! Don’t ever challenge us again!”

The Westside Mallards slunk back to their clubhouse, carrying their wounded and nursing their bruised and battered bodies.

Tony looked up at the sky. He vowed to return and take care of this problem once and for all.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.