Grandpa’s Garden

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

I’ve been jumping rope lately in an attempt to lose my gut. So far so good- I’ve lost 20 pounds and counting. Jumping rope is convenient. The rope is light and packs easily. Recently I was visiting relatives and broke out my rope to get in a quick workout. My 9-year-old niece wandered by and, as usual, offered her opinion.

“You’re not saying anything!” she complained.

“What are you talking about? Are you drunk?”

“NO, I AM NOT DRUNK! You have to say a rhyme. Like this.” She produced a rope out of nowhere and began jumping as she went into a sing song chant:

“Been in Grandpa’s garden
Turned on the hose.
How many times
Will he punch me in the nose?
One, two, three, …”

I think we need to report this angry grandpa to child services.

She changed to another rhyme:

“Betty, Betty stumped her toe
On the way to Mexico.
On the way back
She broke her back
Sliding on a railroad track.”

Betty sounds accident prone. She couldn’t get affordable health care in the U.S. so she decided to head to Mexico for a better deal.

I just stared at her so she tried again:

“Charlie Chaplin came to Duluth
To have a dentist pull his tooth.
First he hollered then he yelled
Then he pulled the emergency bell.

Charlie Chaplin has big feet.
Thinks he owns the whole darn street.
If that street were made of glass
Charlie would fall and break his —

Don’t get excited. Don’t get alarmed.
Charlie would fall and break his ARM!
Charlie Chaplin went to France
To teach the ladies how to dance.

Charlie Chaplin washing up
Broke a saucer and a cup.
Charlie Chaplin went to war.
When he came back
His pants were tore.”

Wow, Charlie Chaplain is a very busy person.

“OK, I got it,” I said as I started jumping, “How about this?”:

“Democrats, Republicans,
Up on the Hill,
If one doesn’t cheat you
Then the other will

Wall Street is happy
They scream and shout
Even after they screwed us
They got bailed out

The average American
is trying to cope
Unemployed for 2 years
Is there no hope?

Don’t call your mama
Don’t call your pop
I don’t think Obama
Can make this pain stop!”

My niece said, “NO! I don’t KNOW that one. You are doing it WRONG.”