How Far Should I Run To Work Off The Holiday Calories I Consumed?

With the new year looming, you may be considering starting a new running program to work off the food you ate over the holidays.

How far you should run depends on how much and what you consumed in November and December. Here is a quick guide:

If you ate:
32 cookies
15 pieces of fudge
25 potato latkes
Run 1/2 mile per day.

If you ate:
56 cookies
25 pieces of fudge
33 potato latkes
17 sausage rolls
Run 3/4 mile per day.

If you ate:
65 cookies
30 pieces of fudge
37 potato latkes
22 sausage rolls
12 mince pies
Run 1 mile per day.

If you ate:
75 cookies
35 pieces of fudge
43 potato latkes
37 sausage rolls
15 mince pies
21 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
Run 1.5 miles per day.

If you ate:
100 cookies
43 pieces of fudge
47 potato latkes
40 sausage rolls
17 mince pies
24 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
15 deep-fried chocolate cupcakes
Run 3 miles per day

If you ate:
124 cookies
47 pieces of fudge
54 potato latkes
43 sausage rolls
21 mince pies
25 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
19 deep-fried chocolate cupcakes
Run 5 miles per day

If you ate:
11,503 cookies
7,755 pieces of fudge
8,456 potato latkes
27,987 sausage rolls
5,278 mince pies
33,785 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
44,525 deep fried chocolate cupcakes
175,000 candy canes
300,000 gallons of egg nog
Please do not run. Call the fire department to cut a hole in the side of your house so they can lift you out with a crane and take you to the emergency room.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.