How to Get Naked With Someone New

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She’s perfect for you. But will you drop the ball when you get naked? Here’s what to do.

Listen To Their Body

Put your ear on their stomach and say loudly, “I can hear the ocean!”

Raise Anticipation

Anticipation starts well before the date. Send her text messages like, “Your hair reminds me of the soft, silky carpet remnants on sale this weekend at Rug Barn.”

Emote A Little, You Stoic

It wouldn’t kill you to add a few words here and there to tell her how you feel. Say, “Eureka!” or “Nailed It” when you feel passion.

Confident Touch

Don’t touch your partner like you are grabbing dollar bills out of the swirling air during the Cash Grab Booth game at the State Fair.

Relax, Kid

Nobody likes a stressful experience. Take the pressure off. Laugh loudly and say, “This is really neat!”


Your silent routine may work on the golf course, but here you actually need to talk to another human being. Ask her how she feels. Say, “How is this working for you?” and demand an answer. “You must tell me now!”

Cuddle Time

What, you have to catch a cab? Cuddle with her. Say things like, “That was great. I particularly liked your idea of recreating the 1967 Super Bowl. Ingenious.”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.