Is There Royal Blood In Your Family? Here’s How To Tell

You might be related to royalty. Just think how much better people will treat you when they know you are related to kings and queens. Here are the signs you may have royal blood flowing through your veins.


Does anyone in your family walk around the house wearing a crown? It doesn’t even have to be made with valuable jewels. A crown of oily rags or celery sticks is just as good. Your family member is answering an ancient call; responding to their royal blood.


Do your pets stand guard outside your house, protecting your home and grounds from possible intruders or incoming hordes? This means they sense your royal blood, and are taking up the role as gatekeepers to the crown. Then again, they may just be hungry and are waiting for you to come home from work.


Do your children expect to be coronated on their 16th birthday, perhaps with a new drum set or even a car? They expect this because it is part of their royal heritage — also because you have spoiled them since they were little.


Normal people drive sensible cars. Royalty are driven around by footmen in royal coaches. If your spouse has purchased a used coach from Disneyland, and hired high school kids to hitch up horses to it and drive her around the park, you can be sure she has royal blood.


All royal families have a coat of arms, as yours should.  Have you ever come home to find artwork displayed on your refrigerator, perhaps made of macaroni or pencil shadings of leaves? Do not despair. This is your royal offspring attempting to summon the royal coat of arms. Let their knowledge flow, and soon they will reward you with a full-colored, magnificent coat of arms you can proudly hang in the foyer. Or your basement. Or garage.


Are your offspring riding bikes around the driveway and neighborhood, attempting to crash into each other at high speed? Don’t worry. For most children, this would be a sign of a future life of crime. For you, it means their royal blood is answering the call to play polo, galloping with great gusto and verve, holding off the competition as they wallop the winning goal.

These are just a few of the signs your family is indeed royalty, and you must do everything in your power to restore your kingdom.







About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.