Education

Learning New English Words – Episode 1

Hi everybody! We’re back with “Learning New English Words” and, of course, as always, “Learning New English Words” is sponsored by Ditzionary, the premier online dictionary.

Let’s get to the words.

Let’s get to our first word: Scritchalp. Scritchalp is when you take anything pointy like a pen with the cover on it and scratch your itchy scalp. There’s another strategy to overcome this malady and that is to wash your hair, you dirty bird.

Our next word for today is Peegency. A Peegency is an emergency when you are still six blocks from home and you really, really, really, really have to go to the bathroom. You my friends have a Peegency.

Our next word is Hungarang. Hungarang is when you are hungover, and you start to feel better, but the hangover boomerangs back, and you start to feel sick again, perhaps in the late afternoon. You have a Hungarang.

Our next word is Alternashorn. This is when you can’t find the shoe horn your grandfather gave you on his deathbed. So instead you use a ruler, a stick or any random piece of wood. Anything that can be an alternative shoe horn, or an Alternashorn.

Our next word is Phexpert. A phexpert is a phony expert. These are people that read a few books on a topic and set themselves up as “experts” and then proceed to fleece newbies trying to learn that topic.

Our next word is Pharmadust. Pharmadust is the dust in a pill bottle that gathers because of the pills banging around in there.

Our next word is Forumgrifter. Formgrifters tool around to different online forums, getting as much free advice as they can from professional members. The day a Forumgrifter actually pays a pro a proper fee for help is the day pigs fly over London.

Our next word is Freebusser. A Freebusser jumps on the bus without paying. They sneak through the backdoor of those long, “accordion style” busses. Either the bus driver is too busy with people getting on in the front, or he just doesn’t care, and why would you?

Our next word is Raidicide. Raidicide is when you hold a steady stream of spray insecticide like Raid on an escaping cockroach until they stop moving and die.

Our next word is Knucklassage. Knucklassage is when you massage your temples with your knuckles. This is often used after a big poker hand or spending the day at Disneyland with your kids.

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.