Mayweather vs. Pacquiao: Tale of the Tape

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_P50_9kPV8&feature=youtu.be

The biggest boxing match in history takes place tomorrow in Las Vegas when crafty Floyd “Money” Mayweather faces lighting-fast Manny “PacMan” Pacquiao. Here is a comparison of their strengths and weaknesses across the board.

Slam Poetry

Both have strengths in slam poetry: Pacquiao has better stories and rhymes, while Mayweather speaks with a world-weary flow that captures audiences. His “Diving Off My Roof Into Piles of Thousand-Dollar Bills” remains a slam poetry classic.

Advantage: Mayweather

Minecraft

Mayweather demonstrated his skills in Minecraft when he built a thousand-foot sculpture of himself. Pacquiao’s Minecraft work is more precise and enduring, including a pair of golden boxing trunks.

Advantage: Pacquiao

Scrambled Eggs

In 2009, Pacquiao created a legendary scrambled egg concoction he called, “Flurry of Fists and Eggs,” which took the diner and bed-and-breakfast worlds by storm. Mayweather answered in May of 2010 with “Floydtacula Scramacula,” a tour-de-force of scrambled eggs, tofu, protein powder and Randy’s Donuts.

Advantage: Mayweather

Penmanship

Much like his boxing strategy, Mayweather’s cursive is studied, patient and defensive. The strokes are even and rounded, indicating he takes his time to minimize errors. Pacquiao’s writing is frantic, fast and angular. He prefers small pauses framed by an energetic flurry of letters, many indistinguishable from the others.

Advantage: Pacquiao

Road Rage

Pacquiao has a remarkable talent in telling off bad drivers in both English and Tagalog, often mixing the two, alternating each language every other sentence in a cascade of insults. Unlike his patient persona in the ring, Mayweather’s road rage is animated and loud. He is a renowned flipper-offer and horn-honker, often speeding up to cut off anybody foolish enough to tangle with him.

Advantage: Mayweather

Verdict

Pacquiao is a talented, gifted fighter with amazing penmanship and Minecraft skills. However, Mayweather’s patient approach and demonstrated superiority in road rage, scrambled eggs and slam poetry will carry “Money” to yet another victory.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.