Watching the final round of The Open Championship 2015 today, I’m amazed at all the absurd rules of golf in Scotland.
1. No golf carts allowed. All golfers will ride sheep.
2. Every golf hole will be the width of an average Scotch whiskey shot glass.
3. Golf will be played day and night continuously until the last man or woman remains standing.
4. Hitting the St. Andrew’s hotel with your tee shot on No. 17 will result in hanging by your thumbs from the room balcony you struck for four hours.
5. Umbrellas are allowed, but must fit on the shoulders and be made of clear plastic.
6. All golfers will defer to their caddie’s decisions. If they say you are too horrible at golf to play the course, the foursome will retire to the clubhouse for shots of whiskey.
7. Each player will belt out two bars of their own personal theme song before every shot.