In the news…
A dog in Denver reappeared after vanishing four years ago. Just like the Broncos winning cycle.
Poetry readings have been banned from Atlantic City’s summer farmer’s markets. They didn’t want them using words Trump couldn’t understand.
In NJ, A judge ruled that twins in a paternity case have different fathers. That’s going to be an awkard Father-Daughter day at the elementary school.
A Canadian goose is licking its wounds after a cigarette sparked a fire in its nest. Witnesses say his goose was cooked.
A man is accused of stealing a brand new riding mower from a Walmart. He said he did it becuase he was so drunk he couldn’t find the original mower he drove TO the Walmart.
A Japanese man left a $100,000 diamond-encrusted watch behind at a Newark airport. When he returned to pick it up, the security agent said, “Ay! I got your diamond-covered watch right here!”
Police arrested a bank robber after following his Instragram posts of the crime. He also posted to YouTube, Flickr, SmugMug, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Google+ and Snapchat. When did this guy have time to rob banks?
A woman was arrested after allegedly running a crack delivery service from a truck. She wasn’t arrested for selling drugs, but for playing that annoying ice cream truck song over the loudspeaker.
A Florida man is suing a hospital after his leg was found in the trash with his name tag still on it. Police found it and called to find out if he was a victim of foul play. He said he didn’t kneed the leg, but was mad they kicked it to the curb so casually.
$63,000 of old, moldy bills were found in plastic bag at a park in Pennsylvania. Which, coincidentally, is my new rap name: Old Moldy Bills.
Speaking of Pennsylvania, in Wilkes-Barre, two women were being sought by police for stealing hundreds of Victoria’s Secret bras worth thousands of dollars. They escaped with the help of a drunk guy on a riding mower.