Run for the Hills!

There are sayings we use all the time that we don’t think about.

Like, “Run for the hills!”

Run for the hills?

Really? What if you lived in Topeka, Kansas in pioneer days?

You were on you way out west on a wagon train, just starting to doze off next to the campfire when someone shakes you awake and yells, “Run for the hills!”

“What? Run for the hills? Why?”

“There’s no time! Run for the hills or you will die!”

“What? Run for the hills? Where?”

“Just run! Run west! Just do it!”

“OK, I’m running! I’m running!”

“I’m still running!”

Sign says “You are now leaving Topeka.”

“Wooh! This is a long way. Hope there are some hills soon. Gotta be safe.”

Here’s a sign: “Manhattan, Kansas, home of Kansas State, and the loudest basketball arena in the country.”

Ask this student, “Hey, how far to the hills?”


“I said, how far to the hills?”

“I can’t hear you? I’m a senior and I’ve been to every KSU basketball game. My hearing is shot!”

“OK, thanks…Rock Chalk, Jay Hawk, Knock, Knock, Who’s There?…or whatever, sorry, I don’t know how it goes.”

“Running, running.”

“It’s raining. I better get out the umbrella.”

Here’s a sign: “Welcome to Colorado. The future capital of marijuana.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Farmer, any hills coming up?”

“Just keep running!”

“OK, thanks.”

“Hey, would you like a little smoke before you go?”

“No, thanks, I’m in some kind of danger! I gotta run!”

“OK, I see some buildings.”

“Excuse me, Ms. Suburban Housewife. I see buildings and mountains. Any hills?”

“Yes, right before the mountains. Keep going. I’m going to pick up the kids from soccer practice that way. Do you want a lift?”

“No, thanks, I’m in some kind of danger.”

“Wow! There they are! I see the hills! Finally! Let’s take cover up in the hills.”

“OK, we are safe! Whew! That was close. OK, let me tap out a morse code message to Topeka.”


“Hey, we found the hills and we are safe. What happened?”

Here comes the reply. Dee-de-de-deet-deet-de-de-d-d-deet-deet.

“Oh, it was a false alarm. We were just testing the emergency ‘Run for the Hills’ system. You can come back.”


“Screw you. I’m staying and starting a pot farm.”


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.