Sleepwalking and Cliff Diving

A guy in Ohio named Lyndon Rigg is recovering from injuries he received after sleep walking off a cliff. He was camping with buddies when he walked off a 60-foot cliff to a pile of boulders below. Despite some injuries, he is expected to be fine.

I called Lyndon to find out how such a thing is even possible. “How the heck did you sleep walk off a cliff?” I asked.

“It’s crazy. I don’t know that I’m sleepwalking. I’m just dreaming. And not about walking. It could be a million things. But my body gets up and goes for a stroll. I found the cliff and walked off of it.”

“Why aren’t you dead?”

“The doctors said it may have been because I was so relaxed. My body just hit like a soft sponge, so to speak.”

“Is this the first time you’ve done something so dramatic?”

“Oh, no,” he said. “One time my wife and I were on a cruise in the Caribbean. In the middle of the night, I walked off a the side of the ship. I woke up on a remote island that had never seen modern man. The locals tried to eat me for dinner. I convinced them I could help them with medicine and Super Bowl tickets. They made me their king, and I ruled for a week when the search planes found me.”

“Fascinating? What about here in the States.”

“I joined my wife for a trip to New York once. She was in fashion and we were there for Fashion Week. In the early morning I walked over to Wall Street and started trading stocks and bonds. By 930am I had amassed millions in oil, gas and baseball cards. By 1130am I had solved income inequality in America.”

“Really?”

“It was easy. I took the money from the greedy bastards that are hoarding it all and spread it back out to the middle class where it came from. You know, the people doing the actual work in this country–teachers and firemen and such.”

“Sounds simple when you put it that way.”

“One time I fell asleep at a Cubs game. In the bottom of the ninth I walked up to the batter’s box, sound asleep. I was facing 3-2 when I let go a dinger over the wall at Wrigley. Drove in 3 runs to win the first Cubs National League pennant since forever.”

“I’ll bet you were popular in Chicago.”

“For 2 years, I drank beer and ate deep dish pizza for free. Then the Commissioner of baseball found out what really happened and he put a stop to it. He said you can’t play the game of professional baseball sound asleep.”

“Why not,” I said. “The Cubs have been doing it for decades.”


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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