At the races

Staying Overnight in a Taco Bell

Would you stay overnight in a Taco Bell?

A Taco Bell in Canada is doing a promotion for one of their new food items. The winner of the promotion gets to stay overnight in a Taco Bell!

You might’ve heard the term “staycation.” You spend your vacation at home. Well, they’ve co-opted that idea — they call it the “Steakcation,” promoting one of their food items that has steak in it. Yeah that’s right, Taco Bell is going to set up bunkbeds, beanbag chairs, full screen TVs — everything you need to have an overnight party!

In a Taco Bell.

I love this idea. I love the idea of fans of fast food places being able to stay overnight. In fact, I say they get into the hotel business.

We don’t need another chain of no-name hotels that nobody can remember the name of.

We all know McDonald’s. We all know Taco Bell. We all know these restaurants. I say they get into the hotel business. These chains are already good at marketing.

Let’s let McDonald’s run wild in the hotel-motel industry.

For example, instead of beds, McDonald’s could fill every room with plastic balls.

How much fun would that be? You don’t sleep on a bed at a McDonald’s hotel, you have sweet dreams in a ball pit.

Wendy’s is already ahead of the game. If you’ve never been to Wendy’s, you may not know the hamburgers are square. They are all ready to go for the hotel business.

Instead of regular mattresses, they make the bed out of Wendy’s hamburger meat. The mattresses are made of Wendy’s hamburger meat. It’s brilliant. They are already the same shape as the mattresses. Just much bigger. And if you get hungry in the middle of the night, you just reach over, peel back the sheets and take a bite of the mattress.

Your own hamburger bed. They could even offer linen made out of lettuce.

In-N-Out Burger could start their own hotel chain.

They are famed for their hidden menu. It’s not long after you start ordering from In-N-Out that you learn to order from the hidden menu.

Like here’s a good one: Order the Neapolitan shake. It’s a combination of chocolate vanilla and strawberry — it’s not on the main menu.

They could do the same thing with their rooms. “Yes, I’d like a double room Neapolitan style.” And the room is decorated in strawberry, chocolate and shades of vanilla. And the fridge is stacked with Neapolitan shakes.

Order it “animal style.” That’s the secret. Order animal style. And when you check in to your In-N-Out hotel room, that they will eventually start building because I’ve come up with this great idea, you can order your room “animal style.” It has everything! Yes I would like a single room with a double bed animal style. They throw everything in there. Hot tub, playground equipment, wet bar, airplane parts, your own concierge, personal trainer and $10,000 worth of pickles.

And it’s not just hamburger places. What about Starbucks? Starbucks could start their own hotel chain easily. They’ve got the cash flow. They’ve got the brand name. Instead of a double room or large room, of course they would use their own arcane language that they made up. You’d have to say, “Yes I would like to have a Grande room that overlooks the pool.”

“Sure,” the barista says, “But let me ask you, don’t you deserve a better room? Could I talk you into a Venti?

You say, “Sure, but does it overlook the pool?”

They say, “It overlooks the pool AND the beach!

“Cool man, give me the Venti.”

Then you have to go down to the end of the counter where they call out your name when your room is ready. “Ted, your Venti room overlooking the pool and the beach is ready. Ted!” “Sally your Grande overlooking the parking lot is ready. Sally!”

I mean this is a brilliant idea. If I do say so myself.

People are tired of staying in boring hotels. They want to stay in one of their favorite restaurants that has overnight accommodations.

They want to stay in a Taco Bell.

They want to stay in a Jack-in-the-Box.

They want to stay in a McDonald’s.

I’m here to fight for the consumer. They want what they want and they want it now!

Folks, I’m here with this great idea, but it’s not for me. It’s for you.

It’s for you fans of Taco Bell. You fans of Jack-in-the-Box. You fans of Starbucks.

I know you want to stay overnight. I know you want them to expand into the hotel business, and I’m here to spearhead the effort.

And these companies that respond to consumers will take action because they know today’s consumer wants what they want, how they want it, and they want it right now!

Together we can make it happen.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at jditzel@joeditzel.com as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.