10 Dumb Jokes Alexa Told Me

Alexa is an amazing device. I get news, music, and podcasts instantly. So why do I spend way too much time asking for it to tell me a joke or make a farting sound? Sounds like a personal problem. Anyhoo, here are some dumb jokes Alexa told me.

Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What did the square say to the circle?
You are pointless.

What was George Washington’s favorite picnic food?
His Uncle’s Ham.

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle.

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you might as well barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.

A Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of a joke?”

I don’t trust people with graph paper. They are always plotting something.

What do you call an American Revolutionary who draws cartoons?
Yankee Doodler.

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.

Alexa, Rewind 60 Seconds

Me: (Misses last few jokes of comedian due to phone call). “Alexa, rewind 60 seconds.”
Alexa: “I can’t rewind on Pandora radio.”
Me: “Why not?”
Alexa: (Silence.)
Me: “Hello, Alexa?” “Why can’t you rewind?”
Alexa: (Silence.)
Me: “Alexa, why can’t you rewind? I would rewind for you, Alexa. I’m working my tail off here, and you can’t rewind? I would rewind for you, Alexa! How about that? How does that make you feel!”
Alexa: (Silence.)