Most New Businesses Fail — How to Make Sure Your Team Succeeds

Statistics don’t lie.

That’s not right. They lie all the time.

In this case, however, it is true most new businesses fail within five years. One of the keys to making sure your firm succeeds is building the right team.

You can’t get there if you don’t have the right people. Hire for aptitude and then find the right slot for them. Base your key positions on a typical heist movie. You’ll need:

The Brains – lays out the whole operation. This may or may not be you.

The Brawn – call that guy with no neck you knew when you did a little stretch upstate for something you can’t talk about.

The Tech Nerd – this is the girl that will keep you on the cutting edge of technology, and show up ever day with a new tattoo.

The Love Interest – yes, your significant other plays a major role in your success. Don’t have an SO? Tinder is your friend.

The Wheelman – you need a genius behind the wheel, somebody that can get you out of a tight situation when chaos ensues, which it will. In other words, you need a great driver to pick up sandwiches, coffee and those little airplane bottles of vodka.

The Money – you don’t see her often, but this wealthy investor is keeping you afloat. Most days you’ll feel she is just toying with your little ship. You are right.

Get these positions right, and your company will do better than you ever expected.

Are You Guys Deaf?

I recently saw the Adventure Capitalists show on CNBC. Interesting:

Company: Our brand is targeting the affluent, high end market.

Potential Investor 1: I love your product, but you are missing the general market.

Company: Exactly, we are targeting the high end market. Were you listening to my pitch?

Potential Investor 2: It’s a great product, but you seem to be missing most of the market.

Company: As I said, it’s a high-end brand. Are you guys deaf?

Potential Investor 3: Wow, great product, love it! But I don’t think the average consumer in this market will be interested.

Company: We don’t want the general market. We have a laser focus on a specific niche, you know, like every successful new business. Were you playing Angry Birds during my pitch?

Investors: Sorry, we don’t see you can reach the average guy in this market. No investment today from us.

Company: Cool. How about I start a business to help people with their listening skills.

Lifestyle Corporations Offer New Way to Work

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

The fight for good talent in today’s world is unprecedented. Corporations are trying new ideas to retain workers. “Lifestyle companies” are on the rise. More than just being “a cool place to work,” these companies offer a healthier, more positive lifestyle than traditional companies.

Features include:

  • Weekly bunny hops including vintage DJs and car theft demonstrations.
  • Open bar in every hallway.
  • Morning positivity chants like:

Owwwwwwwwwww, yeah!
We are the best
We are better than the rest
Owwwwwwwwwww, yeah!

  • Child care for children up to the age of 19
  • Spouse excuse office. Sends official excuses to spouses when an employee was caught cheating or golfing during the day.
  • Coffee. Lots of free coffee.

 

5 Signs Your Boss Hates You

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

 

Everybody talks about hating their boss. It makes sense because most of them are incompetent.

It goes both ways, though. Your boss could hate you. Here is how to tell.

1. They ask you to get bagels for the team, and then move the company to a new location while you are gone.

2. They ask your opinion on important issues, squeezing a clown horn loudly each time you answer.

3. They set you up with their sister from Lithuania who weaves goat hair into hammocks.

4. They ask for a report 10 minutes before it is due and then tell everyone on the conference call you were late due to your issues with authority.

5. Your desk has been moved to the employee lunch room.