I’d Like to Donate My Car

“Yes, I’d like to donate my old car to your organization.”

“Great, what kind is it.”

“It’s a 2002 Toyota Sienna.”

“OK, how many miles.”



“Ooh? What do you mean, ooh?”

“Well, that’s a lot. Does it run.”

“Yes. After you jump it and let it warm up for an hour or so. And take it on a spin around Los Angeles County to juice up the battery.”

“Spin? How far?”

“75 miles should do it. Just don’t take it on any steep hills. And avoid jarring roads. I think it needs a new front axle, suspension, tie rods and shocks.”

“OK, I’m going to have to deny this donation. Sorry. It’s too dangerous for our staff.”

Misfire in Cylinder 5

I looked at the scanner error code: Misfire in Cylinder 5. Great. The Beater with a Heater is a V-6, and one of the six cylinders was acting up.

I decided to talk to him.

“Hey, Cylinder 5, what’s up with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re misfiring, messing up the whole engine.”

“Woah, slow down. I’m just going through a lot of stuff right now, but I’m not messing up the whole engine.”

“You aren’t? I’m getting less acceleration off the line and sluggish top end.”

“Ooooh, ‘less acceleration off the line,’ oooh. What, you are Richard Petty, now? It’s a minivan! With dents in it I might add.”

“Listen, you aren’t pulling your weight.”

“Think of it this way. You have six cylinders. I’m just one. You have five others ready to take up the slack. If we worked for a city or state road crew, you’d have one guy doing the work and five others watching. So already you are ahead.”

7 Adorable Things to Call Your Junker Car

I recently bought a junker car: a 2002 Toyota Sienna with a rear hatch that is permanently closed due to the dent in the rear right side suffered in one of many accidents it has experienced over the years.

The guy who sold it to me called it a “beater with a heater.” He said, “It’s not pretty, but it will get you there.”

Today I heard someone say their car was “rusty but trusty.”

Here then are 7 adorable things you can call your junker.

A hoopdy that hops.

A hunk of junk with spunk.

A wreck that treks.

A clunker with two bumpers.

A bucket of bolts with just enough volts.

A tin can named LuAnne.

A pile of rust that won’t bust.









Eerily Quiet

You can hear every vehicle.

Dump trucks: “Grrrrrrrrr.”

Motorcycles: “Vroooooom.”

Even bicycles: “Ring ring.”

You can hear vehicle in LA right before it hits you — but you hear it, so you jump out of the way.


This is the sound you will hear before a Toyota Prius it sneaks up behind you and scares the heck out of you.


The Prius is too quiet. Any sound will help.

How about “A-ooga! A-ooga!”


“Oo-wee-oo! Oo-wee-oo!”


Please, Toyota, this car is way too quiet. It’s making me paranoid.

Bought A Car and Then Lost Your Job? Here is What To Do

Did you just buy a car and then find out you are getting laid off? No problem – here are 5 options you can choose from.

1. Take it back to Nordstrom. They take everything back.

2. Use the car to get a job at Uber. Use a wireless headset while working at Uber to search for a new job.

3. Melt the car down into 4 blocks of steel and rubber, sell them as modern art for $50,000 each.

4. Sell the car to your neighbor. To sweeten the deal, tell him you’ll throw in his edge-trimmer you borrowed three years ago and never returned.

5. Drive the car at high speed through the streets of the city, head out to the cliffs outside of town, shoot off the cliff at 120mph, leap from the car at the last minute, tell the insurance company it had faulty brakes.

Uber Introduces Hoopd Service

Courtesy Carol Highsmith for Library of Congress via Flickr Commons
Courtesy Carol Highsmith for Library of Congress via Flickr Commons

Uber continues to innovate, finding new ways to better serve their customers. There is Uber, Uber Black, UberX and now Uber Hoopd.

“Uber Hoopd is geared toward our customers who want a no-frills experience,” an Uber spokesperson said at a press conference today. “It is a stripped down version of our other services, and when I say stripped down, I mean you are lucky if the car has a seat for you to sit on. We believe this service will prove useful to many consumers in these challenging economic times.”

Uber Hoopd is scheduled to begin in fall of 2015.

7 Crazy Cars The Public Shunned At The Showroom

The marketplace is cruel. Sometimes things just don’t work out so well for new car models. Here are 7 crazy cars the public shunned at the showroom.


Ford Longfellow

Courtesy San Diego Air and Space Museum via Flickr Commons
Courtesy San Diego Air and Space Museum via Flickr Commons

Would only work with a passenger reading the works of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.


Chevrolet Land/Sea

Courtesy Australian National Maritime Museum via Flickr Commons
Courtesy Australian National Maritime Museum via Flickr Commons

The first successful underwater car, the hardtop was a hit. Sales fell off when the convertible model was released.


HMAC Pizza

Courtesy San Diego Air and Space Museum via Flickr Commons
Courtesy San Diego Air and Space Museum via Flickr Commons

The HMAC Pizza was a pizza delivery cannon, firing pizzas from the street through the front window of a house. In 1915, a family died when one of them inadvertently fired hubcaps at a hungry group of relatives.


The Olds Pup

Courtesy State Library of New South Wales via Flickr Commons
Courtesy State Library of New South Wales via Flickr Commons

A gorgeous car that should have been a hit. It failed because it was solely powered by the pull of a small dog who came with a purchase.


The Plymouth Emotional Baggage

Courtesy US National Archives via Flickr Commons
Courtesy US National Archives via Flickr Commons

The emotional baggage was initially popular with ex-girlfriends and mothers-in-law who appreciated the large luggage area. Beyond these two groups, it sold poorly.


The Buick Sea Water

Courtesy US National Archives via Flickr Commons
Courtesy US National Archives via Flickr Commons

The Buick Sea Water was a scam car that supposedly ran on sea water. Thousands of duped consumers left them at the beach when they would not run.


The Amtrak Railer

Courtesy National Library of Ireland via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Library of Ireland via Flickr Commons

The Amtrak Railer was the first car by a railroad company — it was designed to run on tracks, providing a faster, better experience than the trains of the day. Sales fell to zero when reports of cars like the one shown would fly off the tracks down dirt roads, hurtling passengers miles off course.


Shocking Photos Show Why Auto Polo Failed As A Sport

Auto Polo leagues once dominated the countryside. Many a family outing in America was spent driving to matches and cheering on favorite teams.

Legendary teams like the New York Spark Plugs and the Atlanta Peach Wheelers enthralled Sunday afternoon crowds as large as 250,000 people.

And then it was over just as soon as it started. The Federal government took action when the sport became more about chaos and mayhem than skill and gamesmanship. These photos show how violence became the order of the day. Another great sport lost to man’s desire for blood.


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7 Hot Cars Driven By The World’s Most Beautiful Women

Hot cars and beautiful women go together like peanut butter and jam. Here are 7 of the world’s hottest cars and the women who drive them.


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Courtney Love is known to climb on top of her camp car and star gaze in the winter desert east of Los Angeles.


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Sabrina Soto, Allison Victoria and other hot stars of HGTV/DIY Network programs share this classic pickup when shooting scenes for their popular shows like “I Hate My Swingset!” and “Rehab Vampires.”


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Molly Ringwald is one of many stars attending the hottest premieres in their Schafer’s Pies van.



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Jennifer Lopez was spotted driving her vintage snow remover around Hollywood. You know she looked great!




This classic golf cart has been updated and refurbished for Natalie Gulbis, one of the hottest and most talented stars in the LPGA.



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The Allen’s Sweets Panel wagon brought treats to neigborhood kids for years. Now the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo drives this model around Long Island, helping people get in touch with relatives that have passed.



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The Warhorster Mudwhomper was built to take on the thickest mud in style. Tine Fey is often seen driving her Mudwhomper around Manhattan.