3 Reasons You Should Not Have Children

Children are great, I mean if they never said anything or made any sounds at all. But if your spouse REALLY is pressuring you to have a few, run these three reasons by them to not have children.

Lose Friends

As soon as you have kids, your “BFF” will soon become Best Friend Forever That I Never See Ever (BFFTINSE).

Diminished Marriage

Your spouse is A-1 in your life, right. Well, when the kids show up, your spouse will move to the number two position and never recover.

Decaying Health

Staying healthy is easy — get enough sleep, eat right, exercise. All three of those go out the window when kids start populating your house. Welcome to Take Out Pizza For the Rest Of Your Days on This Planet.

3 Things I Never Understood About Kids

I don’t have kids. Maybe it’s a good thing because I recently found out three things about kids I had no clue about.

Kids Want to Be Fed

I didn’t get this one at first, but I found out kids need to be fed every day.  Every day??!! Yes, every day. I was stunned. I can’t imagine getting food prepared for a 4-year-old. Can they really taste the difference between different food items?

Kids Need a Ride To School

What? Parents drive their kids to school? Why? Get out and walk. What’s wrong with these coddling parents? Walking is good for kids. Just think how many steps they’ll get on Fitbit every day.

Kids Repeat Things Endlessly

I remember when my nephew watched “Ghostbusters” on home video. He was maybe 5-years-old. He sang that dang theme song over and over every day for months. Scientists don’t know why they do this, and there is no known cure.

 

Local Youth Learns Lesson the Hard Way

This kid thinks he can do whatever he wants.

 

The Warning

Image taken from page 24 of 'Funny Books for Boys and Girls. Struwelpeter. Good-for-nothing Boys and 11235980043
Courtesy The British Library

He gets a warning, but hey, he doesn’t care. He can lean back in the chair if he feels like it, right!

 

The Wake-Up

Image taken from page 25 of 'Funny Books for Boys and Girls. Struwelpeter. Good-for-nothing Boys and 11235748454
Courtesy The British Library

Woah, woah, well lookee here! Look who seems to be losing their balance.

 

The Final

Image taken from page 25 of 'Funny Books for Boys and Girls. Struwelpeter. Good-for-nothing Boys and 11048575456
Courtesy The British Library

Ha, ha! Serves you right kid. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

 

 

 

Problems Pin

My dad was to the point: “Sit down, shut up.” My mom tried to treat each of the kids as an individual but there were a lot of us. So she pinned our individual problems on tags on our shirts: “Get off the furniture, ‘anxiety disorder’! Go get your brothers ‘lacks confidence’ and ‘easily bored and frustrated’ and set the table! Put away your toys ‘confused in thinking and has difficulty understanding the world around them’!