3 Questions About Christmas Answered

People ask me all the time about Christmas and what really happened. Here are three answers to things they often want to know.

What is Myrrh?

Myrrh is a natural resin or gum. In those days it was used as incense or perfume. These days it is packaged as a sugar-free, breath-cleaning Doublemint gum and is available in major grocery stores, convenient stores and gas stations.

What is Frankincense?

Like myrhh, frankincense is a resin used in perfumes and incense. In biblical times, many people valued it more than gold and silver. It is also a deodorant specifically made for Frankstein monsters. It stops sweat, and helps them dance better to techno music.

Why did the Wise Men not return to Herod after visiting Jesus?

The original story was they were warned in a dream not to go back to Herod. The truth is their Google Maps app directed them to a busy Los Angeles boulevard where they were told to turn left during rush hour at an intersection without a traffic light. They sat there for five days waiting for a gap in traffic and eventually turned right and headed home.