Propeller Head

Waiting in the incredibly slow line at the big box store, I passed the time by goofing with the 3-year-old sitting in the shopping cart in front of me.

I put the Lakers hat I was buying on top of the Dodgers hat already on my head. This made the kid laugh uncontrollably, especially when I spread the visors to opposite sides, like a giant propeller on my noggin’.

I paid for the hat and propped it back on the hat on my head in order to free up a hand to show the receipt to the security guy at the door. Some of these receipt checkers go through each item carefully and seem disappointed everything is accounted for. I half expect them to say, “OK, now empty your pockets.”

Others wave you through like they could care less.

I pointed at the hat (on the other hat) on my head and he eyeballed the receipt, turning it slightly askew, as if it would reveal an item I hadn’t paid for if he tilted it. Satisfied, he let me go.

I forgot about the extra hat on my head as I walked through the mall back to my car. Kids pointed and laughed. Old ladies shook their head at me, like wearing two hats violated some city ordinance. Some people laughed and commented, “Go Lakers…and Dodgers!” or just “Nice hats!” Fashionable types turned away lest we make eye contact and I asked them for money.

I’m thinking about marketing my two-hat style. Still working on the branding. What do you think of “Double coverage?”

Spring Hats Of Major League Baseball Superstars

The biggest names in baseball all have one thing in common for Spring 2015: Cool headgear. Here are the styles you can expect to see around the ballpark and out on the town from MLB superstars.

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Matt Halladay loves the softness of this model.



Jake Arrieta has been spotted with this design.


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Jose Altuve is a fan of this one.


eatons190700eatouoft_0052-english fedora hat

Jason Kipnis likes the old-school style of this Fedora.


eatons190700eatouoft_0052-fine fur felt hat

Lorenzo Cain like the feel of this felt number.


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Gerrit Cole has commissioned a version of this hat with his player number on the front.



Michael Pineda like to tour around town in this style.


eatons190700eatouoft_0053-crusher or travelling hat

Mike Trout likes to thrown this hat in his duffel when on the road.



Felix Hernandez cuts a proper figure in this style.


eatons190700eatouoft_0053-flat brim style hat

Paul Goldschmidt – Flat Brim, Major League.



Miguel Cabrera likes the Western flavor of this one.


eatons190700eatouoft_0053-new york derby hat

Matt Harvey of the Mets is in a New York state of mind.


Headgear of the PGA Stars at the 2015 Masters

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Rickie Fowler’s Nike Surban Straw hat is so popular with young Masters fans, the tournament had to order more to sell over the weekend.



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Angel Cabrera shows his sporting side with his famous cotton duck Outing Cap.



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The ladies love Adam Scott’s classic 1920s golf cap.



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Rory McIlroy brings a touch of the Emerald Isle to America with his Irish Page Boy cap.



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This Panama hat from South America is seen worldwide on the well-traveled head of Graeme McDowell.



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Phil Mickelson keeps it sporty on the PGA tour these days with his classic Duck Yachting Cap.



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Matt Kuchar is well-known for this Ecuadoran-style Panama hat he won in a betting round in high school.



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Jordan Spieth likes to wear this felt cowboy hat, yelling “Hook ‘Em Horns” when he hits a big drive.



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Sergio Garcia is often seen in the Spanish press in his favorite Linen and Cotton Outing hat.



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Bubba Watson wouldn’t be caught in public without this Mackinaw Straw Boater. Recently he printed his catchphrase on the ribbon: “Get After It!”



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Ernie Els is famous for this easy going Panama Hat he has worn since his junior golf days. It reflects the laid-back style of Big Easy.



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Jason Day tips this Australian style boater every time his caddie hands him a new ball.



Mans Wears Dog On Head Like Russian Hat

Man uses puppy dog as Russian style hat in cold winter weather

Due to severe weather in February of this year, a man was seen walking around town with his small dog perched on top of his head.

“I use my dog like one of those furry Russian hats with the ear flaps,” the man said. “I looked down and realized he was the exact right size for my head.”

The dog rides along with his paws dangling, covering either the man’s ears or forehead, depending on the direction of the wind.

Designer Creates The First Selfie Hat

A designer has teamed up with a computer manufacturer to make the first selfie hat. The hat looks a little like a mini- sombrero with a tablet in the brim that folds down like a TV screen for fast and efficient selfie taking.

I talked with the designer, Christina Cowabunga, about the hat and why the selfie is so popular.

“We came out with this hat so you can take selfies fast with out thinking about it. People love selfies and as designers we must think about how selfies can be worked into their daily lives.”

“For example, why can’t we put a selfie camera in the car so you can record embarassiing videos of you singing to your favorite songs? Why can’t we have concert selfies where you can record videos of you recording embarrassing videos of you singing the same songs at a concert. Why not a rollercoaster selfie camera that catches you on video for the entire ride, including when you threw up in the bushes next to the ride? There are so many possibilities.”

What other selfie hats are you working on?

“Coming up next we have the selfie fishing hat which also has a ruler and a place to hang lures. We have the selfie golfing hat which swivels away from the golfer so there can’t be any photo evidence of them kicking a ball out from behind a tree. And we have the selfie hockey helmet which allows hockey players to take picture of themselves as they pummel each other in hockey fights.”

Christina, what does our obsession with selfies say about us as a culture?

“It says we want all want to be a star and order little people around. And why not? Life is short. (Turns off camera). Darling, could you get me some water, and this time give it to me at exactly 55 degrees like I asked you to! One more mistake and you are out!

“Honey, do you call this fresh-squeezed orange juice? You are sqeezing my patience! I’m going to squeeze your paycheck!

“I said I wanted my shoes organized alphabetically by designer. You’ve got Yves St. Laurent before Louboutin. Don’t tell me you went to public schools. You can leave right now.”

“Listen, dear, when I asked you to walk the dogs, I didn’t mean out there on the street with all those strange people. I meant walk them around the pool until they do their business, then pick it up with your hands and dispose of it. No, we don’t have plastic bags around here. They are not safe for the environment!”

It looks like Christina is busy with some business there at her house. For me, this selfie culture has gotten way out of hand. It just shows our obsession with our own selves, and not our fellow man or woman.

Oh just a minute. (Takes selfie.)