5 Things You Should Know About Poke

Poke is all the rage in Southern California right now. It has unseated kale, avocado toast and mini-deserts as the hot menu item in restaurants all over the area.

What is Poke?

Poke is the Hawaiian word for “trendy fish.” It was developed by native Hawaiians to have something to offer trendoids from California and Aspen so they could go back home and say they “discovered” a unique Hawaiian dish.

How do you pronounce Poke?

Poke is pronounced poh-kay, like “okay,” not like “joke.” And no matter what your friends from New York or London insist, there is no accent on the “e.” The word is Poke, not poké or poki. You don’t say “CAL-EYE-FORN-IA” or “MOAN-TAN-A” do you? Well, maybe you do.

How many styles of Poke are there?

At this point, there are too many too count. Basic Poke is cubed raw tuna that is marinated with onions, sesame oil and soy sauce. In Texas, they add BBQ sauce; in Florida, they add lots of pepper because they can’t taste anything without pepper at this age; in Iowa, the add beef that been stuffed with sweet corn and shredded copies of the Daily Iowa Senate Record.

Why is Poke so hot right now?

Poke is hot because it is time. Every solid, reasonable, tasty dish that has been around forever gets a seat in the center of the parade for a little while. Other foods that are about to become hot include rolled ice cream — made by covering yourself in your favorite flavor and rolling in oats spread on the floor, vegetarian comfort food which includes items like veggie pizza which no one has ever, ever, ever ordered ever, and “brunchfast,” the unholy matrimony of brunch, breakfast and lunch. We used to just call it “brunch.” Past popular foods include acai bowls, cute cupcakes, tiramisu and bacon. Oops, sorry, bacon will never go out of style.

Is Hawaiian Poke the same as a Facebook Poke?

Absolutely not. Hawaiian Poke is a delicious food item. A Facebook Poke is a way to annoy friends on the huge social platform. In the early days, it was a casual way to try to get the attention of another student. As regular people and, gasp!, parents, joined the crowd, the Poke became a loathed and ridiculed feature that indicated immediately you were a newbie, a creep or both.


Lost Sailors’ Story Questioned

In the past few days, two Hawaii women were rescued after their sailboat drifted for five months in the Pacific. After being picked up by a US ship and brought to port, the survivors detailed their ordeal: The mast and engine failed, and they began drifting in rough seas off Oahu.

Not long after their rescue, many sailing and naval experts began questioning their story. For instance, they had an Emergency Position Indicating Radio Beacon on the ship, but it was not turned on. They were also contacted at one point by another US ship and asked if they needed help, but reported they were not in danger.

Further complicating their story, the pair were also sighted at at the Kahala Mall when there were supposedly lost at sea, looking for doggie treats for the two canines they had on board. One dog likes peanut butter and banana biscuits and the other likes bacon-flavored doggie bones. “We’ve had a heck of a time finding these flavors on the Islands,” one of the sailors reportedly stated to a cashier at the Doggie Delectable Delights store in the Mall.

Two weeks later, the sailors were spotted parasailing on Hawaii’s Gold Coast near Diamondhead, a popular tourist area. Both were heard saying at various times, “Woooahhhh! Woaahhh! It’s too high! Bring me down! Bring me down!” The owner of the parasailing service said, “Often people don’t realize parasails can fly as high as 500 ft on a towline of 800 feet, or about the height of a 50 story building. Sometimes they get terrified once they are up there.”

I’ll update this story as more details emerge.