5 Things You Should Know About Poke

Poke is all the rage in Southern California right now. It has unseated kale, avocado toast and mini-deserts as the hot menu item in restaurants all over the area.

What is Poke?

Poke is the Hawaiian word for “trendy fish.” It was developed by native Hawaiians to have something to offer trendoids from California and Aspen so they could go back home and say they “discovered” a unique Hawaiian dish.

How do you pronounce Poke?

Poke is pronounced poh-kay, like “okay,” not like “joke.” And no matter what your friends from New York or London insist, there is no accent on the “e.” The word is Poke, not poké or poki. You don’t say “CAL-EYE-FORN-IA” or “MOAN-TAN-A” do you? Well, maybe you do.

How many styles of Poke are there?

At this point, there are too many too count. Basic Poke is cubed raw tuna that is marinated with onions, sesame oil and soy sauce. In Texas, they add BBQ sauce; in Florida, they add lots of pepper because they can’t taste anything without pepper at this age; in Iowa, the add beef that been stuffed with sweet corn and shredded copies of the Daily Iowa Senate Record.

Why is Poke so hot right now?

Poke is hot because it is time. Every solid, reasonable, tasty dish that has been around forever gets a seat in the center of the parade for a little while. Other foods that are about to become hot include rolled ice cream — made by covering yourself in your favorite flavor and rolling in oats spread on the floor, vegetarian comfort food which includes items like veggie pizza which no one has ever, ever, ever ordered ever, and “brunchfast,” the unholy matrimony of brunch, breakfast and lunch. We used to just call it “brunch.” Past popular foods include acai bowls, cute cupcakes, tiramisu and bacon. Oops, sorry, bacon will never go out of style.

Is Hawaiian Poke the same as a Facebook Poke?

Absolutely not. Hawaiian Poke is a delicious food item. A Facebook Poke is a way to annoy friends on the huge social platform. In the early days, it was a casual way to try to get the attention of another student. As regular people and, gasp!, parents, joined the crowd, the Poke became a loathed and ridiculed feature that indicated immediately you were a newbie, a creep or both.

 

5 Things Top Leaders Do to Gain Respect

Being loved is great and all, but respect gets things done. Here are five things top leaders do to gain respect from their reports.

1. Make Omelettes

Want to get people to follow you. Learn to cook a great vegetable omelette.

2. Use Rowing Machines

No elliptical machines for top leaders! Today’s forward-thinking managers get on an old-school rowing machine to keep fit.

3. Part Hair in Middle

Look around at today’s news stories. Only the top leaders part their hair in the middle, 1920s style.

4. Mumble

To get people to listen to what you have to say, learn to mumble your instructions. They’ll lean in to hear. The more they lean, the more effective you are.

5. Use Nicknames

Ever call someone “Chief” because you can’t remember their name. Top leaders do this as a matter of course. Learn to call your direct managers names like “Buddy” and “Boss.”

7 Things To Say To Yourself To Remind You How Great You Really Are

Sometimes life gets you down. Here are seven things you should say to yourself to boost your spirits and remind you how special you really are.

1. I make great peanut putter and jelly sandwiches.

2. I am loved by most of my family members.

3. My dog loves me for at least 10 minutes past the time I am supposed to feed him every day. After that all bets are off.

4. I am great at many tennis skills. This includes saying, “Here we go, now! Let’s get back in this!” to my doubles partner after we are down 6 games to zero.

5. I am reasonably good at remembering to pay my cell phone bill before they cut me off.

6. I exercise religiously when I get time once a week on Monday morning for 10 minutes.

7. I am steadfast in my faith. Each of the three times I went to weekly Sunday mass at my church this year, I was very close to remembering the names of several people I went to high school with.

5 Things Fantastic Bosses Tell Their Employees Every Day

Great bosses motivate their workers effortlessly. While natural charisma is part of it, the real secret is they use these magic phrases to keep their employees engaged and pumped up. You should give them a try today:

1. “Free donuts when we make our goal.” Money talks, but free donuts make your people run hard for the finish line.

2. “You are the next Bill Gates.” Empty flattery will inflate their ego and keep them shining. (Substitute the appropriate business icon or personality for your industry or niche.)

3. “Wow, you come up with the greatest ideas.” Sure, most of their ideas are dreck (coffee cups made of spam!), but you need employees to keep spouting them off to find the gems.

4. “You have ‘great leader’ written all over you.” In every great worker lies a potential great manager. So good they could take your job. Keep them satisfied they COULD be a great leader by telling them they already are. Job saved.

5. “Your honesty is refreshing.” Sure, you got to where you are with doublespeak and a worn copy of “The 48 Laws of Power and Dry Cleaning Tips.” But encourage honesty in your troops by praising it. That way you’ll get the dirt on employees out to get you.

How to Survive Thanksgiving Alone

Hey, it happens. You have 10,000 family members. Your friends number 85,000 or 95,000, or maybe that is your Instagram follower list. Either way, here you are alone on Thanksgiving. Here are three ways to survive the ordeal.

Eat Out

There are plenty of restaurants open on Thanksgiving, and by that I mean McDonald’s. Shape your hamburger into a little turkey, and cut some slices with one of those little plastic knives.

Enjoy Football

Thanksgiving Day is the perfect chance to watch football on TV. Sometimes it’s hard to see the scores through your tears, though.

Play Holiday Music

Thanksgiving is the official start of the holiday season, so break out those classic songs like Bing Crosby’s “Alone Again at the Holidays (I Wonder What They Are Doing Down at the Jail)” and Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New Lonely.”

Charming Thanksgiving Traditions You Should Try This Year

Write Your Thanks on the Wall

This charming tradition is from Maine, with deep roots in Bangor. Every person at the Thanksgiving table writes their thanks for the year on the dining room wall. It must be positive. This clause was added after a woman sarcastically wrote one year, “Thanks to my husband for taking NO time out from watching football to help clean one square inch of this house.”

Put the Kids Table in the Back of a Pickup Truck

This tradition from Houston is pure entertainment. As if sitting at the kids table wasn’t enough, now try seating guests at the same table set up in the back of a pickup. Serve them dinner, and then drive around with a sign on the back that says, “LOOK WHO IS AT THE KIDS TABLE AGAIN!”

Eat Thanksgiving Dinner For Breakfast

What’s not to love about this tradition from Kansas City? Everyone wakes up, runs downstairs, open their Thanksgiving presents and then sits down to eat. Stuffed with turkey, they wander back to bed to sleep the rest of the day. No more fake conversations with relatives or pretending you care how the Detroit Lions due in their big game.

3 Things To Watch For in Thanksgiving Football Games

Dallas Cowboys

The Cowboys play almost every Thanksgiving. Why? Because they are America’s Team. And America’s Team plays on Thanksgiving. They’ve only missed two years since they began playing on Thanksgiving in 1966: 1975 and 1977. Both years the NFL fed them turkey before the game, and they fell asleep before the opening kickoffs.

Yelling Grandpa

Where do men learn to yell at the TV during football games? From our fathers and grandfathers. The danger is old Gramps is getting much older now, and one too many screaming matches at “those damn refs” may be his final blood-curdling rant.

Guy In Stands Wearing Turkey Outfit

Inevitably, someone in the stands will dress up as a turkey. This is a dangerous fashion choice. And in Cleveland, it adds insult to injury.

3 Vital Friends You Need to Survive in the Modern World

Sure, you rely on your wits and cunning to succeed and prosper. But you can’t go it alone and survive long term. Here are three key friends you should have on your team.

The Sarge

The Sarge will come and get you out of prison in a foreign country, even if it is a dangerous place like Canada. In real life, the Sarge is over-caffeinated, over-testoneroned and over-the-top. But when you need someone to find you in a desolate area and spirit you back to the land of Double Cheeseburgers and Kardashians, this is your guy. When they get the call, they will be out the door with a Bowie Knife, rubbing alcohol, and two cyanide pills (just in case).

The Fixer

Got into trouble with the IRS because you deducted your bicycle as an investment? Made a bad decision and now somebody’s spouse wants you gone? The Fixer knows how to take care of it. Tell them the situation and within 24 hours you’ll be sleeping like a baby.

The Rolodex

Need to get a reservation at that hot new restaurant, but can’t get anyone on the phone? Did a major tech company cut you off because you posted a naked picture on the beach in Obiza, and now you are going through social media withdrawals? The Rolodex is connected to every CEO, bus boy, taxi driver, top attorney and film director in town. Everybody. Just don’t abuse the contact. Don’t ask them to get your kid into a great college if the little runt spent the whole time in high school smoking in their Camaro and selling stolen tests out of the trunk.

3 Fun Facts About Thanksgiving

Thomas Jefferson Was Not Down With Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was a year-to-year holiday in the early years, and Thomas Jefferson refused to keep it going, calling it “dumber than reality TV.” Jefferson was a staunch advocate of the separation of church and state, which he said benefited society, religious freedom and his own “Turkey Day Church.”

Lincoln Makes It a National Holiday

President Lincoln finally stepped up and made Thanksgiving an official  national holiday in 1863. He marked the occasion with this speech:

“Four score ago two turkeys walked into a small town. Only one emerged. Let’s eat.”

Macy’s Christmas Parade

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade used to be called the Macy’s Christmas Parade, changing to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in 1927. It was renamed in 2017 to the Amazon Prime One-Click Order Button Thanksgiving Day Parade.

 

 

 

3 Alarm Clocks for Heavy Sleepers

Is there a heavy sleeper in your house? Maybe your partner, child, or relative is the one who sleeps like a log in the forest. If there is a heavy sleeper in your house who you can’t wake up in time for school or work, here are three alarm clocks that will get them up-and-at-’em.

Blanket Drag

The blanket toss requires some strength, but is very effective. Drag the blanket with the person still on it to the nearest Starbucks. Have everyone in the store yell the heavy sleeper’s name at the same time. “Wake up, Brenda! Wake up!”

A Thousand Tickles

Take 1000 feathers and tickle them while saying, “Are you getting up, now? Huh? Are you?” as they convulse in tickle panic and laugh so hard they throw up.

Helicopter Drop

Cut a hole in the roof of you house beforehand. The next time they won’t wake, lower a rope from a helicopter through the roof. Lift their entire bed and float it out over the nearest ocean, lake or deep river. Drop the bed in the water and watch the fun. Who’s awake now?

3 Amazing Things You Can Buy At Costco

Costco seems to have everything, or at least everything you need that comes in a box the size of your car. But you may not know about these 3 items you can buy at Costco today.

Bacon Laundry Detergent

Why go the whole day withouth the sweet, tasty smell of bacon? With Bacon Laundry Detergent, your cravings are satisfied all day.

Jukebox Coffins

Did you know Costco sells coffins. True dat. And now you can get a coffin with a built-in jukebox so your you can listen to your favorite tunes in the afterlife.

Theme Park Vacations

Yes, you can book a theme park vacation at Costco. Not just Disneyland or Universal Orlando. Try out the Flashlight Battery Museum, The Morrissey Wailing Music Festival or the Office Supplies Parade which takes place every April 15 in Stuck Staple, RI.

5 Things You Peak At After Age 50

Some people think their 50th birthday is the beginning of the end. Not so. In fact, here are five things you peak at after turning 50.

Complain

Maybe you were a pretty good complainer in your 20s, 30s and 40s. Wait until you get into your 50s. You’ll complain that it’s too hot, too cold, too dry, too damp; you are bored, hurried, tired, exhausted, sick; everyone else is crazy, batty, dumb or an idiot.

Grab Lower Back

The back goes in your 50s. Bending down to get that spoon out of the garbage disposal? Reaching to tie your shoes? There goes the back. Better grab it with both hands, elbows out, tense your face up and look up at the sky.

Spy on the Neighbors

Remember when you could care less what the neighbors do? Hey, if they want to play naked Twister and smoke old playing cards, who are you to say no. Once you turn 50, you will spend most of your day standing to the side of the window where they can’t see you. From here, you have a great view of their whole house and yard. What are they up to over there?

Hassle Your Children

Sure, they are grown, married and have kids of their own now. But you know deep down they can’t get by in life without your expert and loving guidance and support. Make sure to call five times day.

Drive Slow

Why doesn’t anybody drive in this lane over on the left? Since they won’t, you’ll move over there, slow down and stay there. Now this is living.

3 Crazy Drivers on the Highway

The highway is made to get you from one place to another hassle-free without the slowdown of traffic lights, garbage trucks, and slow, slow, slow city buses. For the most part, it works. Except there is a special breed of crazy person on the highway you’ll find nowhere else.

Get-Out-Of-My-Lane-Oops-There’s-My-Exit Guy

Get-Out-Of-My-Lane-Oops-There’s-My-Exit Guy rolls up on your bumper because he is in a HUGE hurry. To avoid him driving through your rear window, you move over. He zooms past, only to realize he is missing his exit, cuts back across IN FRONT of you, nearly wrecking both your cars.

Ms. Turn-Signal-On-Then-Off-On-Then-Off

Ms. Turn-Signal-On-Then-Off-On-Then-Off turns on her turn signal to exit the freeway. Except she’s not sure where the exit is. So, she turns the signal on, changes her mind when no exit shows up for a mile, turns it off, and so on. This goes on for ten miles.

Mr. Carpool-Lane-Slow-Driver

The carpool lane, sometimes called an HOV lane, is set aside for people with two or more passengers. Mr. Carpool-Lane-Slow-Driver takes that as an invitation to slow down to 10 miles-per-hour below he speed limit, backing up cars in the lane for 45 miles.

3 Fun Facts About the New York Giants

The New York Giants started in 1925 when they and four other teams joined the young National Football League. The Giants are the only surviving team of those five. The four teams that fell by the wayside over the years include the Los Angeles Phonies, the Chicago Coldbones, the Houston Humidities, and the Des Moines Corn Detasslers.

Baseball’s San Francisco Giants were in New York when the New York Giants football team adopted the same moniker. Again, I ask: why do teams take on the names of other sports franchises that already use that name. It’s happened a bunch of times. So, the Giants called their corporation the “New York Football Giants” to distinguish from themselves from the baseball team. What, there were NO OTHER team names available on the entire earth? How about a name like the New York City-That-Never-Sleeps-Because-It-Has-Downed-148-Cups-of-Coffee-And-Smoked-4-Packs-of-Cigarettes. That’s a team I can cheer for.

The Giants have a long-standing rivalry with the Philadelphia Eagles. Apparently, it started in 1933, but has manifested itself many times since, including a brutal hit in the 1960s from the Eagle’s Chuck “Concrete Charlie” Bednarik on the Giants Frank Gifford that sidelined him for 18 months. Years later, Bednarik denied requests to do the same to the person who taught Franks’s wife, Kathie Lee Gifford, how to sing.

7 Internet Searches Never to Make On Your Work Computer

You just HAVE to know the answer. But you are at work, so you Google away on your work computer. Of course you know everything is tracked, but you just HAVE to see the results of your search.

I get it. I search for random stuff I’m curious about all the time. Like “Is Morrissey his first or last name?” or “What did the fox REALLY say?”

Well, since you can’t control yourself, just make sure you don’t make a mistake that could cost you the gig. Here are seven internet searches never to make on your work computer.

How to get my boss’ job

How to work with idiots

How to enter my company paid parking garage for free

How to steal food from the office fridge

How to attend office parties for five minutes and make everyone think I was there the whole time

How to silence annoying cubicle mates with an after-lunch gas attack

How to read my phone in meetings without getting caught