Browns Welcome Johnny Manziel Again?

Cleveland Browns hold out hope for a Johnny Manziel return when he refused to cut a deal with the Hamilton Tiger-Cats of the Canadian Football League?

Some team leaders were quoted as saying: “He was the most fun we ever had here. Kid was unpredictable. Really made coming to work fun because you never knew if he would even show up.” One assistant said, “The only thing more fun than Johnny was the annual Browns Family Picnic and Dunk Tank. I made Mr. Haslam drop in the water. Hilarious.”


Eagles Fans Punch Police Horses – Twice in One Week

Philadelphia fans were understandably excited to face the Minnesota Vikings for a chance to appear in the 2018 Super Bowl to lose to the Patriots.

Some fans were too excited.

Yahoo Sports reported: “You would assume that fans punching police horses wouldn’t happen that often, either. An Eagles fan was arrested a week ago for doing just that, and any sane person could assume it was a onetime thing that would in no way repeat itself, at least not soon. How wrong we all were. Because in the parking lot of the Linc at 3:15 p.m. on Sunday, three hours before the game would even start, another man was arrested for punching a police horse in the face.”

But hold on to your officially-licensed NFL team gear.

It gets worse.

After the second horse-punching incident, strange reports came in from around the Philly area:

  • A man was seen riding an African Lion at the Philadelphia Zoo, yelling, “Remember 39! Remember 39!,” a reference to the Eagles 24-21 loss to the Patriots in Super Bowl XXXIX in 2004.
  • A young woman was arrested after boxing the ears of a monkey at a pet store at the Schuylkill River Mall. After taunting the monkey with odd slurrings such as “Where’s your Case Keenum now, my pretty?”, she ran through the mall and crashed into a Sunglass Hut display.
  • A group of fans terrorized a gaggle of geese near the stadium, sending feathers flying as they ran towards them, beer spit flying from their mouths, yelling, “Foles! Foles! Foles! Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!”

Philadelphia mayor Jim Kenney took to the airwaves and social media channels later in the day, asking the city to remain calm in the giddy face of inexplicable victory, and asked them to stop throwing eggs at neighborhood cats.

3 Fun Facts About the New York Giants

The New York Giants started in 1925 when they and four other teams joined the young National Football League. The Giants are the only surviving team of those five. The four teams that fell by the wayside over the years include the Los Angeles Phonies, the Chicago Coldbones, the Houston Humidities, and the Des Moines Corn Detasslers.

Baseball’s San Francisco Giants were in New York when the New York Giants football team adopted the same moniker. Again, I ask: why do teams take on the names of other sports franchises that already use that name. It’s happened a bunch of times. So, the Giants called their corporation the “New York Football Giants” to distinguish from themselves from the baseball team. What, there were NO OTHER team names available on the entire earth? How about a name like the New York City-That-Never-Sleeps-Because-It-Has-Downed-148-Cups-of-Coffee-And-Smoked-4-Packs-of-Cigarettes. That’s a team I can cheer for.

The Giants have a long-standing rivalry with the Philadelphia Eagles. Apparently, it started in 1933, but has manifested itself many times since, including a brutal hit in the 1960s from the Eagle’s Chuck “Concrete Charlie” Bednarik on the Giants Frank Gifford that sidelined him for 18 months. Years later, Bednarik denied requests to do the same to the person who taught Franks’s wife, Kathie Lee Gifford, how to sing.

Why, Why, Why San Diego?

“I still can’t believe it,” Stan said.

I knew Stan from years ago. We lost touch when he moved to San Diego. Recently we ran into each other in LA.

“Why, why did the Chargers have to leave San Diego?” he cried.

“I know, it sucks.”

“And to Los Angeles, of all the God-forsaken places. No offense.”

“None taken. I’m used to it.”

“Can you imagine San Diego without an NFL team? It’s just not right. What’s wrong with a city and a team owner when they can’t meet in the middle and get things done?”

“Washington has been doing it for years.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Listen, I know how you feel. People love their hometown teams. Same thing happened in Cleveland. All those years I supported them, and one night they disappeared. I even scanned the missing persons website to see if they showed up. Next thing I know some people reported seeing them in Baltimore. No break-up letter, note, or even a text. Talk about being ghosted.”

Superbowl LI – Tom Brady is the GOAT

Well, that seals it.

Tom Brady is the GOAT.

Winning in dramatic fashion once again, Tom Brady and the Patriots beat the Atlanta Falcons 34-28 in a stunning comeback to capture Super Bowl LI yesterday. They were able to erase a 25 point lead with only three minutes left in the third quarter. It is the largest deficit any team has been able to overcome in Super Bowl history.

Oh, and the previous record of 10 points? That was achieved by the Patriots as well when they tied the record in Super Bowl XLIX.

Let’s run down a few of Brady’s achievements for the record:

  • Only quarterback in history to be victorious in five super Bowls.
  • Quarterbacked the Patriots for seven of their appearances in Super Bowls, the most for any NFL player in history.
  • Won four Super Bowl MVP awards, the most by any player.
  • Won the league’s Most Valuable Player award in both 2007 and 2010.
  • Taken the Patriots to more division titles (14) than any other quarterback in the history of the league.
  • Named to the Pro Bowl 12 times.

Not to mention he is third in career passer rating, fourth in career touchdown passes and career passing yards, has won more playoff games than any other pigskin tosser, built a career postseason record of 25 wins and nine losses, and has appeared in more playoff contests than any other player at any position on the field. If that wasn’t enough, his more than 200 regular-season and postseason wins are the most of any player in his position in the history of the NFL.

I think you can safely say that Tom Brady is the GOAT (Greatest of All Time).

So why is he hated so much?

The obvious answer is that people hate winners. Football, and the NFL in particular, is a highly competitive, emotional game. People support their teams to the end of their days.

“US good! THEM bad!”

So when a particular player wins over and over, especially when they come back from a severe point deficit as many times as Brady has, it’s inevitable he will develop haters — simple competitive envy.

It’s painful when your team struggles year after year, only to end up with a losing record every time. Just ask Patriots fans. They sucked for years before they turned it around.

But with Brady and Bill Belichick, it’s more than that. Some people hate them because of their questionable tactics. Deflategate and Spygate stick in the craw.

Everybody like’s a winner, but that shine is lost if you cheated to get there. Like when the DNC conspired against Bernie Sanders to make sure Hillary Clinton got the nomination in the 2016 Presidential election.

You say winners take every advantage they can, and that’s what the Patriots do. You may be right, but the perception that the Patriots bend the rules too much hangs over their legacy.

Either way, you can’t deny Brady’s talent. He’s settled the debate with this Super Bowl win.

Peyton who? Joe who? Aaron who?

Tom Brady is the NFL’s GOAT.


3 Fun Facts About the Super Bowl

The very first Super Bowl was played in 1967. Two TV networks broadcast the game. NBC and CBS. It was a custom at the time that video tape was wiped clean for reuse, so the game was wiped away, never to be seen again. That’s something the Browns wish they could do with their drafting of Johnny Manziel.

The Super Bowl is the most watched TV event every year. The second most watched TV show in 2015 was Orange is the New Walking Dead on HBO, the story of zombies who break out of a prison near Denver and terrorize Broncos fans.

Americans eat more food on Super Bowl Sunday than any time during the year other than Thanksgiving…and that day you finally give up on your New Years Resolutions and eat 14 pizzas and a bag of chips.

3 Fun Facts About the Carolina Panthers

The Carolina Panthers were formed in 1993. A lot was happening that year. Micheal Jordan retired in 1993 to play minor league baseball. He returned to basketball in 17 months. The only retirement that was any shorter was my retirement from eating doughnuts — that lasted 30 days.

The Panthers began play in 1995, finishing 7-9. That was the best opening season for an NFL expansion team. They improved to 12-4 the next year when they added an actual panther to the team. He played fullback. Tough to catch in the open field.

Right now the Panthers are worth more than 1.5 billion dollars, or about the same amount of money Donald Trump will lose on his Presidential campaign before he packs it in.

Denver Broncos Fans Say You are IN-COM-PLETE!

Folks, it’s time for a fun fact about the Denver Broncos. Did you know that at Mile High Stadium they have a tradition that when the opposing team makes an incomplete pass, the stadium announcer says, “Pass by (opposing quarterback name here) to (opposing receiver name here) is….” and then all at once the stadium crowd chants, “IN-COM-PLETE!”

It’s a great local tradition but I kind of thought, “You know, I’ve been doing this for years.” In my case it would be, “Attempt to get a date by (Joe Ditzel) from (fill in name of girl here) is IN-COM-PLETE!”

I wonder if they got it from me.