After I got fired from my last job, I got rid of my car to cut expenses.
I ride the bus all the time— here are five crazy people I see everyday.
This guy likes his music so much, he wants to share it with others. He has headphones on, but don’t worry, he’ll turn the music up so loud it feels like you are right there in the front row of the concert.
Mr. and Ms. Shuffle-Butt
Mr. and Ms. Shuffle-Butt are constantly talking to each other in some vague European accent. They shift seats constantly, unhappy with each choice they make. If one likes it, the other doesn’t, and a flurry of discussion, complaining and funny faces ensues each time. This goes on the whole hour you are on the bus.
The whole bus is empty except for you. Mr. Sit-Too-Close gets on and sits right behind you. That’s not creepy at all.
This guy is usually on his cell phone as he boards. He money or pass is not at the ready, and he takes his time finding said items, all the while talking to whomever on the phone. Take all the time you need, sir. These thirty of us already on the bus don’t have anywhere to go. We are just riding around.
She should run for Mayor of the bus, because she would win going away. She knows EVERYONE who gets on, their family and their dog. Within minutes of boarding, she and her nearby friends are shrieking with laughter about some story while your eardrums bleed.
When I lived in Des Moines, Iowa during high school, there was a bridge over the Raccoon River at 63rd street that consisted of a series of wooden planks.
Oh, and a sign that said “Proceed Over Bridge At Your Own Risk.”
That bridge would never exist today.
Or if it did, the sign would say, “Proceed Over Bridge At Our Attorney’s Risk.”
There are lots of things to see in Wyoming if you plan to visit the state this year. Here are seven tourist attractions you should put on your list.
Candy Fizz Mountain
Since 1953, Candy Fizz Mountain has been erupting every day at noon, shooting thousands of pieces of candy into the air. At first, it was just peppermints, but the output today consists of hundreds of types of candy including candy canes, chocolate kisses and those sprinkles that you find on some donuts. Scientists cannot explain the phenomenon.
Rail Ridin’ Days
Rail Ridin’ Days is a weeklong celebration of riding the rails like a hobo. Would-be rail jumpers are allowed to jump and sleep on moving train cars leaving Casper heading toward all points of the compass.
Eye of the Tiger
Eye of the Tiger is mysterious monument left by the earliest settlers to the state. Believed to be a beacon, guiding new travelers to safe passages through the treacherous trails of the New West, it became the basis of a new religion in Wyoming called Eye of the Tiger, a curious blend of Eastern and Western beliefs. For example, in the adjacent store they sell small statues of cowboys wearing ninja outfits.
Wheelie Wagons is a museum dedicated to the illegal practice of pulling wheelies in tractors, sleds, sleighs, wagons, snowmobiles and forklifts. There has always been an underground community in the state willing to flout the law to enjoy the thrills of popping a wheelie on a tractor tilling furrows for planting season.
Just outside Elk Mountain, Wyoming, you’ll find Dinosaur Dentistry, over 200 displays of dentures, false teeth, caps and cavity fills for dinosaurs from the beginning of the Jurassic until the fading of the final years of the Cretaceous Periods.
Similar to storm chasers on the ground, Cloud Chasers are a little known group of cloud enthusiasts who ride hot air balloons into the clouds. Using kitchen knives, they cut out chunks of cumulus, stratus, cirrus and nimbus clouds and bring them back to earth. Once on the ground, they store the cloud chunks in a special museum at the University of Wyoming. You can see the displays year round, M-Th from 8am-4pm. Guided tours are available at 10am.
Grandma’s House Slipper Rock
Just south of Jackson Hole, hikers can explore Grandma’s House Slipper Rock, a famous rock formation created by the same Ice Age forces that created the Wind River and Sierra Nevada gorges in other parts of the Western United States.
Well, that’s it. Four days of pomp and celebration to commemorate Queen Elizabeth’s birthday. Here are five ways they mixed it up in 2016 to keep her birthday fresh.
Tourists were agape to see the Queen bouncing away in a Bounce House situated in front of the Palace.
Is that the Queen busking for change and pound notes thrown in a guitar case? Indeed it is! Play “Fire and Rain” your Majesty!
She almost couldn’t see over the top of the sidecar she rode in from London to Edinburgh and back. In one day!
The Queen was quickly identified by her username QueenBeeLizzie during her birthday online video game experience playing League of Legends, Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto. Her constant cries of, “Time to die!” peppered her play.
The Queen got major props from skaters and action sports athletes by uploading Snapchat videos while skateboarding through Piccadilly Square. Skillz!
Sure, you used to be able to do this stuff in Cleveland. But those days are over, cowboy. Deal with it.
Surfing Lake Erie
No more getting up at the crack of dawn to ride the 20 foot curls out on Lake Erie. Progress and pollution killed that buzz.
Hang Gliding From The Terminal Tower
Ask your parents. They did it all the time. The city stopped hang gliding from tall buildings in Cleveland around 1984.
Walking Through Drew Carey’s Childhood Home Uninvited
Lots of Clevelanders remember piling into the family station wagon and driving over to Drew Carey’s childhood home. No matter the time of day or night, you could walk through and imagine what it would be like to live there.
The Downtown Ferris Wheel
In 1989, the city dismantled the famous 2000-foot tall Cleveland Rocks Ferris Wheel. Three families were discovered living in several of the cars.
Pickled Ed’s Dart Bar
How many nights did you find yourself slinging darts at Pickled Ed’s at closing time? Forget it. Pickled Ed passed in 2005, and the family sold the bar the next year.
Cleveland Fly Swatter Museum
After church, you’d take a lazy Sunday drive to the Cleveland Fly Swatter Museum and look at all the great swatters from the 1890s through the 1930s.
Donnelly’s Disco and Scar Bar
Saturday nights in the 70s meant the whole gang would head to Donnelly’s Disco to line dance and compare scars. Those good times are over.
You have things to do. You are in a hurry. Go, go, go. Oops, here comes la policia. Looks like a ticket.
Well, if you live in one of the seven cities, you have a good chance of getting out of it. Here are the secrets to get out of tickets in each town.
The key to get out of a ticket in Boston is to tell the police your brother works undercover in Braintree. If the officer asks you his name, say you don’t want to compromise his identity. This works 78 percent of the time.
Oklahoma City, OK
Oklahoma City police are notorious for letting people out of tickets if they give them a dozen Dunkin Donuts in specially marked boxes with the Thunder logo on top. This works 82 percent of the time.
Walla Walla, WA
Stopped in Walla Walla, WA? Say that you were on you way to a moose convention. You were speeding because you are the emcee and a moose gave you the wrong starting time. This works 84 percent of the time.
“Ma’am, I am Warren Buffet’s personal chef. If you don’t let me go, I’ll blame you for Warren’s dinner being late.” This works 85 percent of the time.
Des Moines, IA
“Sir, I am transporting some pickled relish to the good people of Altoona. Are you going to deny them their right to pickled relish?” This works 89 percent of the time.
“Listen, here’s the deal. I’m full of gumption, gummy bears and my love of UVA Basketball. You let me off, and I’ll get you some sweet, sweet gummies and UVA tix.” Works 93 percent of the time.
“Thank you for pulling me over for speeding, officer. It gives me the opportunity to tell you about my MLM opportunity.” Use this line, and you will get out of 100 percent of tickets.
Hay Bail University
Take summer school classes at Hay Bail University outside Cheyenne. Choose interesting topics like How to Hook a Bail, Bailin’ and Sailin’, Hay Yahh, and Hay, Hay, We’re the Monkees.
Ghost Town Happy Hour
Ghosts have been spotted serving drinks at this long-abandoned roadside bar. Tourists have been bellying up to the bar late at night for a chance to get a free drink and a ghost story they can tell at family gatherings. Fair warning: you are welcome to enter the haunted establishment yourself, but last year 7 people on different occasions entered the bar and were never seen again.
Ride the Road to Nowhere
The Road to Nowhere is a mysterious dirt road on the High Plains of that seems to appear out of thin air, moving from place to place around the state. Eyewitnesses claim you can drive down the road only to disappear in the distance. Some say the vehicles end up in heaven. Others believe they end up at the Department of Motor Vehicles in Purgatory, where they must “take a ticket” every day until Judgement Day.
Many people say they get the best sleep of their lives on a moving train. For those with a tight budget, try sleeping on the front scoop of the locomotive. You’ll sleep like a baby as the train’s hypnotic rhythms lull you to dreamland. Add in fresh air and a perfect view of vibrant stars in pitch black night skies, and you have the perfect rail travel experience.
This curious deer appears every Saturday morning on the lawn of Mr. and Mrs. JP Stareemdown from Laramie. The deer stares down anyone who dares lock eyes with him. Crowds of curious deer-staring challengers grew every week in 2015. In 2016, the State Parks department requested that would-be deer starers register online in advance at the agency’s website. Each challenger gets 5 minutes to try to make the deer look away.
Buffalo Group Therapy
Every Thursday, the Wyoming Nature and Wildlife Calming Society has a group therapy session for herds of buffalo. Herd members are encouraged to talk about their problems, from grazing to roaming where the deer and the antelope play.
Gas Pump Graveyard Rave Night
Friday night is Gas Pump Graveyard rave night. Some of the biggest names in EDM, from Skrillex to Avicii, have headlined this show. At the peak of the show, audience members twirl gas pump hoses above their heads, yelling, “Fill er up with regular, please, and check the tires while you’re at it.”
Ever wonder what the truth is behind the smiles and endless buffet aboard a cruise ship? Former cruise employees get real.
The Ship Never Leaves the Dock
The ship never leaves the dock. Holograms run 24-hours a day around the ship, saving the cruise line enormous amounts on fuel. They change the hologram for each port of call.
The Alcohol is Bottom Shelf
Just like at your parties in college, for the first hour of the cruise the ship serves top shelf liquor to look cool, and then downshifts to moonshine-level gasoline to save money.
The Crew Has No Idea What They Are Doing
Most of the crew are former carnies from those D-list carnivals that move from small town to hovel. If there is an emergency, you are on your own — the only thing they can help you with is throwing a ball into a milk can.
The pessimist starts out for an afternoon spin.