Due to severe weather in February of this year, a man was seen walking around town with his small dog perched on top of his head.
“I use my dog like one of those furry Russian hats with the ear flaps,” the man said. “I looked down and realized he was the exact right size for my head.”
The dog rides along with his paws dangling, covering either the man’s ears or forehead, depending on the direction of the wind.
An Ohio woman in Cleveland’s “Snow Belt” east of town was arrested today after police found her shooting a gun out of a front window at nearby snowbanks, crying and screeching over and over, “Winter will never end! Winter will never end!” She was placed on a protective hold in a local mental facility until her trial comes up in June.
“Honestly, we could have scheduled the trial in March,” the judge said. “But we didn’t want to take the chance she would see snow and freak out.”
“Late February in Ohio has the highest incidence of winter-related breakdowns than any other time,” said the police chief. “We get more calls in those two weeks than the rest of the year. People start to snap due to the constant snowfall, frigid temperatures and endless days of grey, overcast skies. That and they live in Cleveland.”
A man in Cleveland, Ohio won’t refuses to shovel the sidewalks in front of his house despite record snowfall during a bitter winter.
“I’m just renting here,” John Notgoingtoshovelson explained. “Why should I shovel the walks when the owner should do it.”
During our interview, passers-by could be seen slipping and falling as they tried to negotiate the treacherous sidewalk. One elderly lady tried to drag her shopping cart laden with groceries through the muck. It spilled when it turned over.
“I don’t care about those people,” he said. “They should contact the owner. If people want me to clean the snow off the sidewalks, they can pay me.”
John Zlotskerpan of Coshocton, Ohio was surprised when his wife bought him a bright yellow coat for Christmas two years ago. “I’ve always wanted a bright yellow winter coat,” he said. “And dang, if she wasn’t paying attention, because when I unwrapped the box that morning, there it was.”
Mr. Zlotskerpan’s enthusiasm soon turned to dread, however. Everywhere he walked, from downtown areas of major cities to every event he attended, parking lot managers started yelling at him to quit goofing off and get to work directing cars.
“I love the color,” he explained. “It reminds me of Easter. But these guys thought I worked at the parking lots, and yelled at me to start waving cars in. It was crazy.”
Currently, he is weighing his choices. “Either I can make the jacket a different color, or I can stay home!” he laughed, hitting his wife in the side which made her giggle.
What? You are tired of winter? Aw, poor you! You want the sun to return and the endless grey skies of February to go away.
Your problem is you are weak. Take a lesson from these Canadians. They laugh at winter. Put on four pairs of long johns and come with us as we observe Canadians taking care of business.
Frozen seaways? Haha. Canadians just cut ice away from frozen lakes and ponds! Hey, want some fresh ice in your Scotch on the rocks?
You think you have a bad winter? This is Winnipeg in the middle of June. Spring won’t come until early July and summer is only a few weeks long!
You know what that lady is carrying? A bow and arrow covered in cloth. If they see any bison, she whips out the bow and brings down the beast with one shot. Dinner is served!
Too much snow on the lake to play hockey? No problem. These guys iced down an indoor greyhound racing track and started playing hockey within the next two hours!
Got the winter doldrums? These people spiced up their winter days by racing for food. Only the winner gets to eat. You don’t need shorter winters. You need better ideas.
This guy just pulled some fish out a hole he cut in the ice. Now he’s cutting the fish using a special boat he made with an old Sunfish sailboat and some indestructible kitchen knives he bought on QVC. You just need to get creative to enjoy winter, not hate it!
Hi mom, I love winter!
Aw, you find it hard to walk in the snow? These Canadians didn’t cry, they figured it out. Two tennis rackets and some duct tape and you are off and running!
No money for winter sports? Get out your toughest blanket and throw your friends around like popcorn in the skillet. Listen, Canada has winter down “cold.” You just need to try harder.